


A New Line of Work

by writingobsessionsofryan



Category: Deadmau5 (Musician), Skrillex (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 01:26:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 28,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingobsessionsofryan/pseuds/writingobsessionsofryan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sonny Moore leaves a protected life back home but what happens when he ends up in the bad part of L.A?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> all ratings and warnings will be in each chapter [if you don't like my use of Kat as a character she's not that big of a person and you can always swap her name out]

Sonny looked at the room around him, memories flooding his thoughts. He was finally leaving this place. After skipping out on his senior year of high school, he became less welcome in the old, yellow house. Yes, a house. This wasn’t a home to Sonny. It never was. He didn’t belong to this family and he did not need any more proof than his dead-end job. They were all over-achievers and Sonny wouldn’t be missed.

He picked up his bag, only packed with the essentials, and began to leave the house. Sonny didn’t know where he was going, but he’d figure it out.

Sonny reached the worst part of the city. He wasn’t afraid of L.A. He lit a cigarette, and stopped to contemplate his next move. A girl with short brown hair and a slender figure smiled at him as she walked by. Sonny didn’t think anything of it. He didn’t think it was as bad over here as everyone had told him.

Oh how wrong he had been.

Sonny didn’t know how it happened. One minute, he was noticing the sun beginning to set, and how he should find a motel to stay at for the night. The next, he was being chased down the alleys by two hooded men. Sonny again had no idea where he was going, but all he knew was that he had to get away. He made one fatal mistake and turned down an alley with a dead end. Sonny cried out for help as he was dragged down on the ground. Sonny couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he felt his hands being tied behind his back. Then, a blindfold over his eyes and a cloth shoved into his mouth.

“We got him, hurry up.” Sonny heard a voice say. He fought against his restraints. “It’s no use, kid. Just be thankful that we didn’t have to kill you, yet.” The voice taunted him, and he felt his heart pound harder in his chest.

“No, Raine would kill us.” The other man with a softer voice spoke. “I don’t see where she saw potential in this kid. I would’ve left him alone.”

“What? Are you going to feel bad for every damn kid Raine drags in for him? He’s screwed either way. Join or die. Life isn’t fair, toughen up.” The first man yelled angrily.

“Can you two stop arguing, and get the kid in before the cops show up?” A female, Sonny guessed Raine, asked. The other two grumbled as they picked up Sonny and carried him away. He heard the sound of a car engine and he was placed in a sitting position on a seat. Three doors slammed and Sonny felt the car move. After a few minutes, he heard the woman speak. “It’s better that you don’t fight. I can already see that you will be of great use to us.”

Sonny’s mind was racing. What was that supposed to mean? He didn’t know and he really didn’t want to find out.

He felt the woman’s hand on his shoulder. “Don’t scream. There’s no use in it, anyway.” She removed the cloth from Sonny’s mouth. “My name is Raine. What is your name?”

“S-Sonny.” His voice trembled.

“How old are you, Sonny? You must be young.” Raine questioned him further.

“I’m 18.” Sonny replied. “Why did you take me?”

“Sh, it will all be explained when we get there. Just one more block.” Raine didn’t lie to him, and the car came to a halt. Sonny was then walked into what he assumed was an abandoned warehouse. They walked for a few minutes until stopping abruptly.

“What have you brought me this time?” A new voice that sounded tired and angry asked the three goons.

“A new potential. Trust me on this one, he’s a great runner.” Raine spoke, removing Sonny’s blindfold.

Sonny was met with harsh, green eyes. The man was much taller than Sonny. He was also covered in tattoos and was standing up against the wall of what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse. “Yeah, you probably picked him right out of his high school P.E. class.” He sneered at Raine.

“He was walking in the streets with a lit cigarette.” Raine protested.

“Fair enough.” The man shrugged his shoulders. “How old is he? You better not have brought me another child.” He glared in Raine’s direction.

“Mau5, I brought you two children. It’s not my fault they looked older. He told me that he is 18.”

“Three,” Mau5 corrected her, “I’ll see what his potential is. Take the kid away and offer him our hospitality.” 

Sonny felt the bindings loosen from his wrists, and he rubbed at the new marks on them. Raine took ahold of his hand and led him away. Sonny looked back at Mau5, and saw something in his eyes. Remorse? The look was replaced by the man’s usual harsh stare.

Raine looked at Sonny once they were out of sight. “I’m sorry. We really are desperate for new members. He’ll be merciful with you. His sister is here today. He’s a lot nicer when she’s around.” Sonny was silent. They reached a back room in the long hallway. “You can talk to me freely now, but first, you should get cleaned up.”

Sonny only nodded, still horrified.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Deadmau5 as Sonny waits in a backroom preparing for his fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

Joel sat at his desk, glaring at the paper in front of him. His mind was flooded with thoughts and new information. It seemed like one thing after another. First, the kid and now the front page of the newspaper. Joel now had his head in his hands. How did this happen?

“Joel?” A soft voice asked him. He knew right away who it was. Joel looked up to see his younger sister, Kat, staring at him. “What happened this time?” She asked him, concerned.

“This,” Joel replied, passing the paper across the desk, “and check the back guest room.”

Kat’s eyes widened. “She didn’t bring another kid?”

“He’s 18. I’m not sure why she found it necessary to take him, but I’m sick of this bloodshed. I’ll give him a week to prove himself.” Joel rubbed his temple.

“She’s more trouble than she’s worth. Raine just sees every kid on the street and tries to show them a better life.” Kat looked at the headline on the newspaper, and her eyes widened. “ Are you kidding me?”

“I wish. Sometimes, I think I’ll wake up from this nightmare or that my enemies will finally find me.”

“You know, I wouldn’t know what to do without you?” Kat walked over and hugged her brother. “Shit gets better.”

“Yeah, yeah I know. Things always get better, but they don’t.” Joel said, bitterly.

“I’ll let you wallow in your own self-pity while I check on the new kid.” Kat left the office, walking into the worn-out meeting room and down another hallway.

The place was an old, abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of L.A. A small portion of the rooms have the appearance of neglect, with a few taped up windows to add to the effect. It kept away suspicion from outsiders. Most of the gang lived there, but some were lucky enough to have their own apartments in the city. The guest room was better than all of the other rooms. It was used to persuade captives into joining.

Sonny was currently in this room. He felt so out of place in it. He definitely wasn’t dressed to fit it’s elegance and his hair was an absolute mess. There were no windows in the room. He suspected that there had been other captives before him, and they couldn’t let one escape. Sonny couldn’t make a break for it even if he tried. There would be no mercy from the man he knew as Mau5.

Sonny swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He would have to be convincing enough to not get himself killed. Sonny heard a knock at the door, and then someone new entered.

“You must be Sonny. I’m Kat Von D.” The woman smiled at the young man.

“Hello.” Sonny said, trying to be convincing.

“Don’t worry about your fate today. He’s going to give you a chance, but don’t do anything to change his mind. We run like a family here.” Kat looked at him, seeing his defeated state.

“Great, so I’m screwed either way.” Sonny stared at his hands.

Kat sighed. “I’m sorry, Sonny. We can’t exactly let you go, hoping that you won’t give us away. You already know too much.” Kat moved a lock of hair from her face, revealing stars tattooed on her skin. Sonny took note that she had a lot more tattoos than Mau5. “Raine said she found you on the streets, where are you from?”

“The suburbs of L.A. in a gated community, never really belonged there, though. I was the black sheep of my family. They always hated me for not sharing the same dreams for my future that they had. I finally got out, and I didn’t even tell anyone I was going. I doubt I’ll be missed. I packed only the essentials with no destination in mind. I just needed a new life out of the protective walls of some rich families’ gated world.” Sonny finally met Kat’s eyes. She looked sympathetic. “Don’t feel sorry, I’m better off this way.”

“You’re not the first. It’s rare to find a privileged kid, but we stumble upon them from time to time.” Kat smiled.

“Tell me I’m privileged when you got beaten up every day from the time you were seven. Then, you’re hated by the ones that are supposed to love you unconditionally. I was hated for dropping out of school, but honestly, I wouldn’t be alive today if I didn’t leave. Don’t think I’m privileged just because my parents were rich.” Sonny said, bitterly.

“Your dad can have all the money in the world, but it still doesn’t make a difference if he was never there. I’m not privileged either, kid.” She gave him a serious look. “I’m not judging you based off of your family.”

“I’m not a kid. I’ve been eighteen for quite a few months now.” Sonny said.

“Well, I’m 23 so you’re still a kid, kid.” Kat smiled. “You’ll always be kid, but you’re not the youngest here. Raine’s always picking up the broken and damaged kids on the street.”

“Hey, if I make it through tonight, we’ll have to have a party.” Sonny joked.

“You will. It’s the week you have to worry about. Then, after the week, you’re a part of the little dysfunctional family here.” Kat checked the clock. “It’s almost time. You either pick out another name or just go by Sonny.”

“No, Sonny isn’t a tough name.” He laughed, and then a nickname from his childhood popped into his head. “I’ll go by Skrillex.”

“You don’t even know what we’re about, kid.” Kat gestured towards the door. “Let’s go, Skrillex.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny meets Joel and learns his fate. Joel also faces problems of his own while trying to maintain a low key status.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T, mentions of crimes and drugs
> 
> Enter Zedd

Sonny was led down the hallway and through the abandoned meeting hall. There was another hallway and they walked to the door on the end. Sonny took in the nice cedar design on it, and the gold plaque on it read J. Zimmerman.

Inside the room, there was a more hostile situation going on. Joel was glaring at the kid in front of him. “What part of cover up and make it quick did you not understand?”

The 17 year-old shook in fear. “I’m sorry. I thought it would be easier. I didn’t expect that type of security system.”

“Zedd, you have to be more careful. I don’t need to bail your ass out of juvy.” Joel reprimanded the boy. He was feeling oddly nice today. Joel checked his watch. “I have a meeting. Go and lay low tonight. I’d strongly suggest that you stay in.” The kid, Zedd, nodded. There was a knock on the door. “Come in, Kat.” Joel said, and the door opened.

Zedd hurried out the door. He caught a glimpse of Sonny, and gave him a sad look. Poor kid.

“Sit down.” Joel ordered Sonny. The man took a seat in front of the desk, and Kat sat in the back corner. “First off, I need your name and any special talents.”

“Skrillex. Special talents?” Sonny asked himself. “I’m not sure but I listen and work hard.” He really couldn’t think of anything.

Joel raised his eyebrows. Not the most impressive answer he had gotten but not the worst answer he had ever received. Some people stuttered through the question, nervous from Joel’s harsh stare. “I’ll take it, you have one week to prove your worth and don’t make me change my mind about it. You’re the absolute bottom of the food chain here. They all get your respect whether you want to respect them or not. You can be cocky and sarcastic all you want after you’ve proven yourself.” Joel told Sonny with a menacing tone in his voice. “Do you know what we’re about?”

“No, I’m not sure what you are, sir.” Sonny answered.

“Drop the sir, kid. I’m neither your master nor your father. I am your ultimate leader. When you hear my name, most people shudder. I am Deadmau5 and this is my gang, Mau5trap. You’ve met my sister, Kat Von D,” he motioned towards the back corner, “she’s a criminal mastermind.”

“Mau5, you flatter me. I’m just a mere tattoo artist.” Kat smiled at her brother.

Mau5 gave Von D a smile that was soon replaced by his usual serious look when he looked back at Sonny. “So, one week to prove yourself and I’ll have someone spend some time with you to show you the ropes.” He turned his attention back to Kat. “Send Jessica in.”

“Oh, you’re giving him the nice escort.” Kat smirked.

“I’m not always an asshole you know?” Deadmau5 rolled his eyes.

Kat left, and an eerie silence crept into the room. Sonny looked at his hands until a clatter on the desk brought his eyes up to meet Joel’s. Joel watched as Skrillex’s dark brown eyes questioned him. He found it difficult to pry his eyes from the younger man’s. Joel cleared his throat. “I dropped my phone, no big deal. I’m not going to kill you, I have people for that.” His voice was shaky. There was something about that kid. Why was he any different from the others Raine brought him? Joel shook his head. Skrillex was just another damaged kid on the street.

Kat returned with a petite woman that had long red hair that was past her waist. Her skin was paler than Sonny’s, Joel noticed. “She’ll take you to your room and give you a tour.” Kat smiled. Jessica led Sonny out of Joel’s office.

Joel sighed, slouching lower in his chair. “Any idea on what’s been going on today?”

“Successful drug deals, some tattoos, a few piercings, two robberies, and a new member.” She looked at her brother. “The last one wasn’t entirely necessary, but you asked about what was going on today.”

“He’s staying. I don’t have the heart or the time to watch him die by my command.” Joel said, throwing the newspaper.

“I think I might have an idea about what Raine’s been up to by bringing you him.” Kat now took the seat in front of Joel’s desk.

“And what would that be, my dear sister?” Joel asked her with great sarcasm in his voice.

“Raine’s playing matchmaker.” Kat grinned.

“He’s barely an adult. That’s sick. I’m no pedophile.” Joel was outraged.

“Oh, give him a chance.” She protested. “Sometimes, you can be so irrational.”

“No, because once he gets killed, no one is going to pick up the pieces that has taken me so long to put back together.” Joel argued his point further.

“Have it your way, but you can’t deny that there is something beneath the surface.”

Joel put his head down on the desk. “Sometimes, I regret letting you join.”

“But, you love me.” She patted his shoulder. “I have work to do, see you later.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny meets Anton and learns more about the gang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some light dillton in this one  
> Rating: T

Anton laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling. The other man, Dillon, sat on the foot of the bed. He ran his fingers through his blond hair. “It’s not that bad, Anton. You slip up at least once in your life. It’s fine, just stay away from Mau5 for a few days, and he’ll forget about it.” Dillon reassured the kid. “I’ve been in the paper since I was 16. I just lay low for a week or two and no one remembers shit.”

“Yeah, I guess. Don’t know how I fucked up so bad.” Anton glared at the ceiling. The room housed Anton’s most prized possessions. It’s walls were covered in old pictures of the family he once had back in Germany. They were all he had other than Dillon.

“Cheer up, at least you’re not in jail. It’s not fun in there.” Dillon looked over to see Anton smile slightly.

There was a knock on Anton’s door. “Come in.” He said, and the door opened a few seconds later. Jessica stepped in with a short man with long black hair close behind her. Anton recognized him as the kid in Joel’s office.

“Hey, since you’re not going out tonight, can you show Skrillex here the ropes?” Jessica asked Anton.

“Sure, I’ll do that. Is he at risk of running off?” He got up off the bed.

“I’m not exactly sure but Raine won’t shut up about how great of a runner he is.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m really sick of how they favor her, I’d be burning in a dumpster if I tried that shit.”

“Wouldn’t we all?” Dillon asked. “I’ll be going out unless you need me here.” He looked at Anton.

“No, I should be good. I’ll watch him, Jess.” Anton reassured the both of them. “See you later, Dillon.”

“I’ll see you later, Anton.” Dillon winked at him.

Anton blushed slightly. He pushed Dillon out the door. “Get out of here.”

Dillon’s laugh echoed through the hallway. Sonny heard Jessica say, “You two are so cute.”

Anton sighed and Sonny looked back at him. Almost all of the blush had left his cheeks, and he had regained his composure. “So your name is Skrillex?” Anton asked and Sonny nodded. “I’m Zedd or Anton. It doesn’t really matter anymore.” Sonny stayed silent. “I know what you’re going through, and I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll tell you a few things to help you survive here. He gave you one week, right?”

“Yes.” Sonny hesitated.

“Good. You’ll probably make it. Everyone is a little rough around the edges here. We’ve been through some tough things, but the rest of us soften up eventually. Once you make the week, you’re family. I bet Kat may have told you this, but we’re a family here. Even though you’re new, I’ll keep you safe.” Anton promised Sonny.

“Thank you, but you don’t have to risk yourself for me.” Sonny told him in a serious tone.

“I’m doing it out of my own will. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes,” Anton said lightly, “young and afraid of everything.”

“I’m 18. Are you younger than me?” Sonny was curious.

“Just turned 17 earlier this month so yes. Deadmau5 put an end to kids joining when Raine brought in a twelve-year-old.” Anton shook his head. “I was so close to being 14 when she picked me up. I was angry, and lost here until I met Dillon. He was almost eighteen when he had become a part of Mau5trap. He was bitter at first, but then his true intentions became known. We completed each other, making up for what the other lacked. He’s more of a fighter and I’m more of a negotiator. Dillon would destroy anyone that laid a hand on me.” Anton smiled. “Our family may have tension in it but what family doesn’t? We get through it.” Anton looked up at the man that was sitting in the chair across from his bed. “Any questions?”

“Is there a reason why Deadmau5 is so bitter? Is it just a power thing?” Sonny was genuinely curious. For some reason, the heavily tattooed man wouldn’t escape his mind. No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts would always lead back to him. The way the sunlight hit the little bit of his exposed hair that wasn’t concealed by his hat made his heart jump. Those harsh green eyes accompanied by his constant frown stayed as well. Sonny had wondered if he ever smiled to anyone other than his sister. He shook his head as Anton tried to collect his thoughts.

“He’s been through more than I know of. Maybe Kat has an idea of what goes on in his head, but don’t push it. Definitely don’t get on his bad side either.” Anton swallowed. “Don’t ever get caught.”

Sonny nodded. He wouldn’t ask Anton why he was so petrified. The kid’s smile returned. “Would you like to meet someone else?” Anton asked, hopefully.

“Sure, might as well get to know a few people here.” Sonny responded.

“Good. I’m sure he’s here. He never goes out.” Anton led Sonny out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zedd takes Skrillex to meet another member of Mau5trap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG

Porter sat on the second floor of the warehouse and looked out the window, not really thinking of anything. He had went into the better part of the city for the first time today. He was working in Kat’s second tattoo shop. Porter was still too young to pass of as eighteen, and Kat lied, telling anyone who asked that Porter was her nephew who was visiting her from Chicago. Or did she say he was her little brother? He didn’t care because Kat would run him through it again when he left to go again tomorrow with Mau5. The thought made Porter feel a little uneasy, but it was nothing new. You’d be mentally insane if you didn’t fear Deadmau5. Just don’t mess up.

Porter heard the sound of approaching footsteps, and he turned to see Anton with someone following close behind. The man was pale with long, dark brown hair covering most of his face. He had snakebites, and sad brown eyes.

“Hey, Porter.” Anton greeted him. “This is Skrillex, our newest member.” He gestured towards the man, who instantly became shy at the mention of his name.

“I’m the other kid.” Porter said, flipping the brown hair out of his eyes.

“Hey, I heard you went into the city today.” Anton grinned. “How was it?”

“Different. We had to pass me off as Kat’s nephew or her little brother. I can’t remember.” Porter shook his head again, and his hair fell back in his eyes.

“I’m going there tomorrow too. I think she’s taking Skrillex into the one over here. You know, the basic orientation stuff?”

“Yeah we all did that.” Porter nodded.

“Wait, what am I doing tomorrow?” Sonny finally spoke up.

“Just a few basic things in Kat’s tattoo shop around here. Nothing too big. I doubt you’ll screw up sweeping a floor.” Porter answered Sonny’s question. The kid smiled at him, and Sonny returned the grin. “Well, that was a good icebreaker.”

“He’s a little shy or still scared out of his mind.” Anton looked at Sonny, thoughtfully. “We’ve all been there.”

Porter nodded, “it gets better. It may seem like everyone is out to get you, but I promise that your enemies are not here.” He became slightly bitter, “they’re somewhere else. Close by, but not here.”

“Just rivals.” Anton reassured Sonny. “Don’t get too excited, Porter. You’re fourteen, I doubt they’ll let you fight.”

Porter stayed quiet for a while, and Sonny was stuck in his thoughts again. He watched as the moon started to come out, and the lights flickered on in the old factory. No one else seemed shocked by the lights, so Sonny ignored them. He saw people leave the building, recognizing the few he encountered today. There were eleven of them, and they all took different directions.

“I miss going out at night with him. I hope he’ll be okay.” Anton looked longingly out the window.

“He’ll be fine, Zedd. He made all those years out there alone I don’t think one night away from you will kill him. Stop worrying so much.” Porter told him.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I sound like some spouse who is watching their lover go into war.” Anton laughed. “I’m manly as hell.”

The other two laughed at Anton’s comment. Neither of them could really understand what Anton was going through. Sonny was not a likeable person in school, and had very few relationships that meant absolutely nothing to him, and Porter was still too young.

“I’m exhausted, so I’ll see you two at some point tomorrow.” Porter yawned, emphasizing his point.

“Night, Porter,” both Sonny and Anton replied. Anton checked his phone and Sonny quietly watched him.

“Here, I found the message. Jess told me where your room is.” Anton looked up at Sonny, “follow me.”

Sonny followed the younger man up to the third floor, passing the meeting room for the second time that day, and into another hall. Anton stopped in front of the door and he left Sonny alone. The man breathed out a loud sigh. It was the first he had been alone in the past two hours. Had it really been three hours ago that his life had changed forever? Sonny couldn’t believe it.

He walked into the dark room, searching for the lightswitch, and groaned when the room’s bright light blinded him. In the corner, there was a made bed with his bag on it. The walls of the room were white, and there was a small desk in the corner. It had a detailed map on it of the third floor. Sonny unpacked his bag, throwing his clothes in the small closet across from his bed, and set his laptop on the desk. He surprised that he still had it.

Sonny looked at the map, deciding to find the bathroom. He saw it down towards the end of the hallway and around the corner into another hallway. Sonny left the map behind as he left the room. It wasn’t hard to navigate through the third floor. The bathroom was almost too easy to find.

Sonny walked in, finding the room to be simple and completely empty. There were labels on others’ possessions, except for an electric hair razor. He wasn’t sure why he was so compelled by it. His mind was racing as he picked it up, and turned it on.

He looked into the only mirror in the room as he began to shave off the hair from the left side of his head. The dark hair fell on the floor around him. Sonny finally grasped what he was doing, and put the razor down in utter horror. What had come over him?

He didn’t know, and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Sonny quickly cleaned up the mess and headed back to his room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny’s first week is up as he goes into the better part of the city with Deadmau5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

Full Name: Sonny Moore

Nickname: Skrillex

Age: 18

Date of Arrival: 9/18/06

Current Date: 9/25/06

Room Number: 313 [Third Floor]

Progress:

The last category left Joel at a crossroad. Would Sonny live and stay in Mau5trap, or was he not the right material? Joel’s gut told him to let Sonny live, but Kat’s words kept racing through his mind. What if he liked the kid? Joel felt disgusted with himself for even considering it. Joel was selfish, but not enough to have the kid murdered. He picked up his pen, and put a little check next to progress. One mark was all it took here. He sighed, and walked over his sister’s office.

Joel simply placed the folded paper on the vacant desk. He walked off, not sure of his destination, but he had to distract himself. Joel found Sonny in the meeting room, drinking his coffee. The kid had changed a lot since he first saw him. There was confidence in the very air around him and it was contagious. Sonny smiled a little more now, and he talked to other members. Joel wondered if the kid ever slept because he was always out. His hair was completely gone from the left side of his head, and he now had ridiculously large glasses.

Sonny smiled at the man, trying to hide his nerves. The only one he truly feared was Joel. He even got along with his kidnappers, who weren’t as bad as he had first assumed. Joel made his palms sweat, and he could feel his heartbeat pick up.

Joel snapped back to his rational thoughts. “We’re going to the in town shop today, and if you’re up for deals tonight, you can do that too. Meet me downstairs in five. Oh, and I can smell your fear. It’s quite irritating.” He said quickly, and left the room.

He walked out the front of the warehouse, lighting a cigarette and took a noticeably long drag. That damn kid, he silently cursed Sonny in his head. Sonny came out to stand next to Joel, smiling with his own cigarette lit. Joel just shook his head. The kid would be the death of him.

Sonny followed him, and Joel avoided looking back at him. He had made that mistake once before. The way Sonny smoked was absolutely mesmerizing to Joel. He didn’t know how someone could be perfect in everything he did. They walked a few blocks and reached Kat’s shop. Joel opened the door for Sonny, and immediately headed to Kat’s desk. He stopped in front of her, waiting.

Kat looked up from her sketchbook after a few long seconds. “It’s the best thing I’ve drawn this week.” Joel nodded in understanding. “So, what brings you two here?”

“We’re going into the city today. I left the form on your desk back at the warehouse.” Joel said, casually.

Kat raised her eyebrows at this, “what did you pick?”

“It’s a surprise.” Joel smirked and took his keys. Sonny followed him to the back. Joel led the younger man to his Ferrari, and unlocked it, climbing inside. He pulled out of the garage and was on the way to Kat’s second shop.

Sonny looked at the city around him. Despite his parents having jobs in L.A., Sonny barely saw this part of the city. Living in a highly protected community right outside the city had its downfalls. Joel turned into a back parking lot, and parked his car closest to the building. They got out, and walked in the back door.

“Wash your hands and make sure they’re clean.” Joel instructed him, gesturing towards the back sink.

“Good morning, Mr. Zimmerman.” A female voice greeted him. “Today looks like a slow day unless we get a few walk-ins.”

“Is that person still coming to demo?” Joel asked and then added, “call me Joel. I already know I’m in charge, and I don’t need any extra pride.”

She laughed lightly. “Right, Joel. Yes, she’ll be here in about two hours.”

“Good, I brought the newbie with me. My sister’s been boasting about how he’s a pro at piercing and how he should try tattooing.” Joel looked back at Sonny, who blushed, and hid his face behind his remaining hair.

Things were slow after that. The woman, Allison, was busy on her phone, and they had one client who wanted to get his lip pierced. Joel watched Sonny intently as he searched for veins to avoid, and finally drove the needle through. Sonny explained how he did his own, and people in school used to ask him to do their piercings all the time. Joel was too busy staring at the man to notice until Sonny looked at him, expectantly.

“I’m sorry, repeat your question.” Joel said, but before Sonny could say a word, the demo client walked in. Joel breathed a sigh of relief. Allison checked her in, but soon left as her shift came to an end. He was alone with Sonny. Great.

It was a simple rose to go on the woman’s lower back, but Sonny was still shaking. His nerves were almost too much to handle as he finished tracing the pattern. Sonny started working on the tattoo, legs now shaking. After a few minutes, he heard Joel make a noise of disproval.

“Here” Joel said, coming dangerously close to the younger man. His body was pressed against Sonny’s as he guided his hand along the outline. Sonny was bright red and he was glad that no one else could see him. Joel’s hot breath was on his neck, as he explained to Sonny what he was doing wrong.

Sonny didn’t catch a single word. He was lost in his frustrations and the way the veins in Joel’s arms strained as Joel moved his hand. Sonny felt his palms get sweaty. It was all wrong as the impure thoughts flooded his mind. Deadmau5 was his boss! It could’ve been anyone but him. Sonny was sure that Joel wasn’t overreacting as much as he was. He felt dumb, and he tried to clear his mind. Sonny shook his head a little too hard, and Joel’s lips made contact with his neck.

Sonny didn’t know what to do, and he felt his face start to sting from the embarrassment. Joel mumbled a quick apology, and got up, letting Sonny finish the outline. There was another twenty minutes of silence, with a few quick tips from Joel here and there but he didn’t dare get close to the kid again.

The outline of the tattoo was done, and Joel explained the protocol for aftercare and was setting up another appointment for the coloring. The client thanked both of them and then was on her way out. It was now 1pm and Joel left to get them lunch.

Sonny was completely alone. He sighed in relief. It was absurd to think that Joel had done it on purpose but too ridiculous to even consider that he didn’t notice anything. He decided to clean up a little to distract himself. Sonny took note on how close the shop was to where his mother worked, but he knew that people like his parents were too stuck up to even pay attention to this place other than to tell their children the dangers of tattoos.

Joel soon came back with food and they ate in almost complete silence. He cleared his throat. “So, we have another client coming in, and I think we’ll clean up for the night crew and you can get some sleep for your nightly rounds. “

Sonny nodded as he took another bite of his sub, still not able to make eye contact.

The last client was there within fifteen minutes. It was a simple retouch that Joel took care of and Sonny went into the back to start cleaning up, hoping for the floors to be dry when they left. He could laugh at the amount of times he slipped and fell on his ass for that. Mondays were always slow, he told himself but then his eyes widened in horror. Monday? His week was up, and he wasn’t dead. Joel hadn’t said a thing to Sonny, and now he was shaking even worse than he was before. Sonny finished cleaning as Joel started to shut everything else off.

Joel looked at Sonny, and then his mouth formed an o-shape. “I forgot to tell you that you passed the week.” He was such a troll sometimes. Joel shrugged, and walked towards the back after locking the other doors.

Sonny was in shock, and then he remembered about the floors. “Careful, the floors are-” he was cut off by Joel’s swearing followed by a quick thump. “Joel!”

He rushed towards the back, hearing a loud crack with more swearing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny tells Joel his backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T[abuse, drugs, degrading word]

Sonny was kneeling by Joel’s side, his face a little too close for comfort. How did he expect Joel to think when his lips were just centimeters from his own? Joel had long thrown his morals away when he decided to help Sonny do that tattoo today. He was doing great but Joel couldn’t help himself. He wanted the kid now more than ever before.

“What hurts, Joel? Did you hit your head?” Sonny was obviously concerned and he felt horrible for not telling Joel about the wet floor sooner.

“No, my back just hurts a lot.” Joel answered. “Do you know how to drive?”

“Of course,” Sonny responded, and he grabbed Joel’s hand. He heard Joel wince when he got up, but he tried to keep it in, knowing that it only made Sonny feel worse. Sonny threw Joel’s arm around his shoulder. “Keep most of your weight on me. Trust me, I can support you.” Joel didn’t argue as Sonny helped him into the car.

Joel gave Sonny directions, leading them further into L.A. Sonny turned into the large parking garage, taking a space on the top floor closest to the entrance. He helped Joel out and walked into the building. They got into the elevator and ended up in a hallway just before the penthouse. Joel took the keys and unlocked the apartment. Sonny turned on lights and helped Joel into his room.

Sonny searched the freezer for ice packs, but found nothing. He walked back over to Joel’s bedroom. “Do you have anything that you take?”

“There’s Advil in the medicine cabinet. I don’t do drugs anymore.” Joel chuckled despite the pain he was in.

“Join the party.” Sonny said, coming back with the bottle. “Well, except for my happy pills, but they’re sort of mandatory.” He handed Joel a glass of water and two soft gels.

Joel took them, and looked back at Sonny. He wasn’t one to pry, but it was killing him. “Why do you have to?”

Sonny sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked at Joel seriously. “Swear you’ll tell absolutely no one?” He asked.

“I swear.” Joel looked back at him. It felt like elementary school but that was okay.

“I wasn’t exactly the loved kid growing up. I was constantly a nuisance to everyone I came in contact with. We lived in a gated community. A place that seemed so safe, but it really wasn’t.” Sonny sighed, trying to stop his voice from faltering. “Mom was a drunk and dad was a cheat. Claire was the golden child. She could do nothing wrong. My mother didn’t get abusive with me until she found out about my dad. She started taking pills. I was terrified for her life, and I got the most shit for confronting her about it.” Sonny could feel the tears in his eyes.

“She was absolutely horrifying when she was drunk. I was beat constantly by her. She broke bottles and tried to cut me up with them, wishing her son was dead. It was the only time my father cut in and he hated me for it. ‘Be a man, Sonny’ he said. ‘What are you, a fag? Can’t stand up for yourself? You’ll never be anything,’ he yelled at me. There was no doubt on who was the mistake.” Sonny stopped, overwhelmed by the sobs that now took him. He thought he was over it by now. Joel was quick to wrap his arm around the kid’s shoulder, giving him a comfort squeeze.

“It got better when I started doing drugs. I’d never go home. I was on them from the age of thirteen to the age of sixteen until I was caught. Not arrested, but someone took me by the hand, and said ‘Don’t be like your family. This is a dangerous game, Sonny and I don’t want to see you dead in the street.’ I listened to him, and goddammit, he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Never had I fallen for a guy before and he gave me the courage to stop and I’ll always love him for that. I almost died when he left this world. I didn’t understand and I still don’t.” Sonny stopped, and saw Joel watching him intently.

“My sister made them take me to a professional. I got prescribed these pills and they keep the suicidal thoughts away. I’m glad Raine picked me up a week ago, because you guys are so much more than a family to me. I’ve never known what a true family was until now. Thank you.” Sonny was still sobbing, but now he was smiling.

Joel took Sonny’s hand. “We’re not so bad after all.”

“No, not at all.” Sonny hugged Joel, being careful of his back. “Is it your lower back?”

“Yes, but I’m feeling-” Joel was cut off as Sonny massaged the spot with delicate fingers.

“Lay on your face, you have a fuckton of knots.” Sonny told him, and he obeyed. Sonny rubbed his hands into Joel’s back repeatedly for the next fifteen minutes, saying nothing. He stopped and Joel protested. “I think you’re good now.” Sonny laughed, and Joel fake pouted. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” Joel asked the kid.

“Tormenting me with something I can’t have.” Sonny said, looking into Joel’s confused green eyes.

“Touché,” Joel responded.

“If you want me so bad, then kiss me, you fuck.” Sonny tried his best at mimicking Joel.

“Why should I do that?” Joel raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t deny that you enjoyed touching me today and don’t say you didn’t like your lips on my neck.” Joel looked at him, at a loss for words to say. He never lost, but he went blank when he was met by Sonny’s beautiful, brown eyes.

He didn’t have to kiss Sonny. He was met by the full force of Sonny’s lips. Joel gasped in surprise when Sonny pushed him back, and his fingers instantly knotted in the younger man’s long, dark hair. Sonny’s hands were eager as they slid under Joel’s shirt, feeling the pale skin underneath, and soon his shirt was gone. Joel held Sonny’s arms firmly as he broke the kiss. Sonny smiled weakly at him.

Joel just shook his head. “You make me question everything, Sonny Moore.”

“I can say the same for you, Joel Zimmerman.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny learns more about the seemingly bitter man as he finally opens up to someone for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

Sonny was curled up on Joel’s chest. It all seemed too good to be true. His pale skin was beautiful under the moonlight coming from the window next to the bed. Sonny could see the city from where he was lying, but there was something else that held his attention.

It was Joel. He had expected there to be more tattoos but his skin was bare, and Sonny could see the rise and fall of his skinny chest. Sonny avoided the green eyes that were surely watching him. Joel really fascinated Sonny with everything he did. “You know, if you need to talk to anyone, I’m here. I don’t want to use you as vent therapy.”

Joel looked at Sonny. “You really want to know my backstory?” Sonny nodded, and so Joel began, “I was born in Toronto, Canada to a wealthy family. My dad had a great job, but he was never around for us. He didn’t have time for his children. My mother was always there, and she loved us with all of her heart. You could see it in her eyes. I was four years old when she died. I’m not sure how I remember so much about her. It might be because I held onto her memory when everyone had long forgotten. I had to keep it alive for Kat. I remember holding Kat’s hand at the funeral, and I lied to her. She was only two at the time and neither of us understood why mom left this world. We thought maybe dad would be around more, but he almost never came home. There wasn’t a nanny there at night when Kat’s nightmares came into play. I don’t think she’s ever gotten over them. She’s afraid of leaving this world just like our mother did. It not a thing I think I’ll ever be able to say out loud. It’s just so terrible.” Joel shook his head.

“I was ten when dad determined that we didn’t need a nanny anymore. Cheap bastard. I raised my sister for the next seven years, wiping away tears when she was picked on in school, and when some guy broke her heart. They were young, petty relationships that where much like the ones I had in school. I learned how to brush and style hair too, if that even matters now.” Joel said, running his fingers through his short, brown hair. He laughed at himself.

Sonny gave him a wide smile despite the sad story, “Can you braid hair?”

Joel rolled his eyes at the kid. “The best fucking braid you’ll ever get done.” Joel sat up, and had Sonny sit on the edge of the bed, facing the window. Joel worked his fingers through Sonny’s hair, taking out knots along the way. He closed his eyes and listened to rest of the older man’s life story.

“I often lived my life, hating everything I was. We moved to L.A. when I was fifteen and I became a big player in high school. Always looking for someone to make me feel wanted. I didn’t have serious relationships, until I met a girl two years ago. I fell in love with her and one night when we were out, she was shot dead right outside her apartment. I killed as many of them as I could. Kat had to stop me from taking out that entire gang.” Joel stopped to think of his next move.

“I didn’t date after that. I think that’s why Raine picked you up. Well, Kat suggested it to me, and I told her that I’m not ready to lose everything again. I built up so many boundaries only to have you come along and destroy each and every one of them. Doesn’t matter, we’re in really deep shit now,” Joel smiled and Sonny saw his reflection in the window.

Sonny shrugged. “It doesn’t concern me. I kissed you and it was because I wanted to. I did it on my own choice and I have no regrets.”

Sonny felt Joel’s hands on his shoulders admiring him. He’d never say it, but Sonny knew. “I left home at seventeen, thinking Kat would be better off without me. Bad idea, she was much worse when I came back two years later. It wasn’t my intention to approach her, but I only wanted to observe. She was out of her mind. Cursed me out in the kitchen, and threw a few punches. She stopped and fell down in a mess of tears, saying how she thought I was dead, and that dad didn’t care. She never saw him anymore. It was the opposite of what I had wanted. Sometimes, you can’t let go of what you love because they simply cannot be let go of.”

He wrapped his arm around Sonny’s shoulder. “I’ll never forgive myself for doing that. I got into a lot of drugs and alcohol despite her protests. She was seventeen when she joined the little gang I had formed when I was seventeen. It was bad, and in those two years since she had joined I had become my father. I didn’t care for Kat and at eighteen, she fell for someone that was dangerous to her health. She was often an underweight mess of tears over something he had done and all I could tell her was that she was smart enough to get through it herself. If there was another Deadmau5, he’d beat the living shit out of me, because at nineteen years old, she became a mother to a daughter that she barely gets to spend time with.”

Joel’s grip tightened on Sonny. “I think that’s why she is a mother figure in everyone’s lives here. She dealt with me for so long until she finally snapped. Kat took me aside and told me that I was done with the drugs and alcohol. I worked for years to get where I am today, and I’m still not finished. I do it all for my niece and my little sister. She’s four now, and she’s the most beautiful girl there ever was. With looks that resemble my mother without contamination from my father and her own, she’s the only one Kat lives for at times. I vowed to never be like my father again.” Joel smiled once again.

“You’re all my family and I’d kill anyone who tries to tear it apart. I’m strict because I have to be, not because it’s fun to scare everyone else. I’m a closed off person and no one really knows who Joel Zimmerman really is, and I plan to keep it that way.” Joel faced Sonny. “So, I’m a little fucked up too. I’ve been shot a few times as well, but just like with physical pain, you grow a thicker skin for each new blow.”

“Well, that makes that makes two of us.” Sonny smiled. “You’re the only one I’ve ever told my story to. I trust you and barely even know you!”

“It’s insane, but I’ve held that in for years. I guess you’re special with that too happy attitude and your dumb smile that rips me in half.”

“How does it feel? Ever since I saw you, I can’t rid you from my mind. It’s simply impossible.” Sonny looked at Joel’s lips, asking for another kiss.

Joel leaned in, hand brushing away Sonny’s braid, and kissed him lightly on the lips. He held Sonny’s jaw as the younger man played with the hair at the nape of his neck. Joel relaxed at Sonny’s slightest touch. Sonny slid his hand up Joel’s chest, gripping his shoulder. Their lips moved in sync with each other, and Sonny was gasping for breath. Joel traced Sonny’s jaw, not breaking eye contact with him. Their breathing was slow now.

They talked a little, laughing at each other’s jokes. Both had learned so much about each other and soon Sonny was falling asleep on Joel’s chest. He kissed Joel’s cheek as his arms wrapped around him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the next morning and both of them are missing at Mau5trap which causes some worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG

“Joel?” A voice called for him. It sounded frantic. He grumbled in response as sleep tried to drag him back in. The door to his room and Kat rushed in. “Joel, they can’t find Sonny anywhere and I thought something bad happened to you! Where have you been?”

The sunlight shone dimly through the window. Joel wiped the sleep from his eyes, noticing his arm was still around the man that was ‘missing’ he was unrecognizable at the moment. He looked back at Kat, who seemed on the brink of a panic attack. “Sorry, I slipped and hurt my back last night.”

“That still doesn’t explain what happened to Sonny. I’m positive that you checked his report to live.” She looked down at the body curled up on Joel’s chest. “Did you seriously bring a girl home to skip out on work?” She almost yelled.

Sonny’s eyes shot open at the sound of the conflict that was going on, and he looked at Joel. His braid had fallen apart and his hair was a complete mess, falling in his face. He saw Joel staring defensively to his right. Sonny looked over to see Kat’s blurry shape. He was confused.

“If you’d let me explain myself before you just accuse me, then you would see that Sonny is okay. He drove me home, and, uh- shit happened.” Joel smiled weakly at the man in his arms.

Kat was relieved as she saw Joel hand Sonny his glasses, and he sat up, looking at her. “I can’t believe I missed coffee over this.” She shook her head. “We don’t need either of you today. Next time, tell me that you two are having a sleepover.”

“I’m sorry, it slipped my mind. Thanks for day off, Kat.” Joel smiled. “I think I’ll show him the city.”

“Next time you do that, I’ll kick your ass.” Kat returned Joel’s smile.

“Do you want me to make you coffee?” Joel asked her.

“Please, but put your clothes on.” Kat laughed, and Sonny blushed, hiding his face in Joel’s neck.

“I have pants on,” Joel kicked the blankets off, “and a sock.”

Sonny looked at Joel’s feet. “You have big feet, but they’re cute big feet.”

Kat shook her head. “You two will be the death of me.”

Sonny talked to Kat as Joel made coffee. It was nothing important, and Sonny had trouble prying his eyes off of the older man. They all drank their coffee in silence, Sonny holding Joel’s hand under the table.

“Well, I have to go and keep Raine in check so she doesn’t pick up another one.” Kat announced, getting up and leaving Joel’s apartment.

“It that a weekly thing?” Sonny asked Joel.

He rolled his eyes. “If we’re lucky. She can’t stop no matter how hard we enforce the rule.” Joel sighed. “I guess I should be glad she brought me you.”

“Still traumatized by the way I was brought in, but I fell for you right away. I was scared as hell but I guess it was worth it.” Sonny smiled.

Joel ruffled Sonny’s hair, despite the younger man’s protests. He ran over the shaved part and Sonny leaned into his hand. “You’re special.” He told him.

“Well, you’re not so ordinary yourself.” Sonny commented. “You can be tough and angry at everyone but I know for a fact that you’re not like that deep down.”

“So, does that me special too?” Joel laughed.

“Yes,” Sonny kissed him on the cheek, “now, get ready. I want to see the city.”

“Alright, pushy today, aren’t we Skrillex?” Joel caught Sonny’s waist before he could get away.

Whatever snarky comment Sonny had come up had slipped his mind when he met Joel’s eyes. Sonny rested his head against the man’s chest. “No kiss until you get ready.”

Joel’s arms left Sonny’s body and he stalked off. Sonny smiled at the man’s antics, and then looked around at the apartment. It was large, as a penthouse should be. The walls were white and almost completely bare except for a few pictures. The room was mostly open, the furniture defining what areas of the room were for certain activities.

There was a small hallway at the front door that ended at the start of the kitchen. The kitchen took up a little less than half of the room. A small area for eating was off to one side. This led to a huge area with a wraparound couch. The television was equally as impressive and it was on the west wall, stopping just a few inches from the bedroom door. The south wall was another enormous window and Sonny could see the city from it. There was a glass door that led to a balcony. Sonny looked at the east side of the apartment to find an archway a few feet behind the couch. Sonny decided to go into that room.

The window was much smaller in that room. It was cut in half by another room that was locked. The room was more closed off and stood out from the rest of the apartment. A grand piano was set in the middle of it. Notebooks were piled in the room, most of them around the piano.

Sonny wondered what kind of things Joel wrote. Were there dark and depressing lyrics written on those sheets? Did they talk about his troubled personal life that he makes every effort to cover up? Sonny didn’t know, and he wouldn’t intrude any further.

He sat down on the piano bench, and played different notes, remembering all those miserable lessons his mother used to make him take. He wasn’t too bad either and soon he began to sing quietly. The voice Sonny was so uncomfortable with, now escaped his lips. A little cracking in some areas, but it was expected. Sonny wasn’t kind to his voice, and he regretted it. It was out of his hands now. The passion behind his words was enough to make anyone break down. Just another broken kid who ended up in a life of crime. The crazy thing was that Sonny didn’t care anymore. He only cared for the people in that warehouse, his real family. He was a lost boy with a notorious leader as his savior. The butterflies returned when his mind dwelled on Joel.

Suddenly, another hand appeared on the piano, completing Sonny’s chord, and he jumped, silencing himself.

“There’s no need to hide, you sound amazing.” Joel complimented him, sitting next to the younger man on the piano bench. He put his arm around Sonny’s shoulders. “I see you found my favorite room. It’s much more simple than the others because the music is what makes up for it’s seemingly plain exterior.”

Sonny only smiled as Joel continued to play, picking out notes for him along the way. Sonny relaxed against Joel, feeling the melody. Joel would never tell Sonny that he wrote this the night he first saw Sonny. Well, at least not right now, he wasn’t ready to show him how much he really meant to him. There was no sleep involved because Joel would not rest until it was as perfect as the person it was describing.

Joel finished playing the piece, and kissed Sonny’s forehead. “I think it’s time you see L.A.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Joel spend their day off together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T, slight mention of drug abuse

“What are the helmets for? Don’t tell me that people actually throw trash out their windows. I like to believe that my mother is ignorant and made that up.” Sonny looked nervous.

“She is.” Joel said, simply and closed the door behind Sonny. .

Sonny followed Joel into the elevator. He was close to Joel’s face as could possibly be without making contact. His eyes were serious. “What are these for?”

Joel’s mind went blank and he barely heard the chime of the elevator, alerting him that they had made it to the seventh floor. He took Sonny’s hand, and practically dragged him out. They arrived out on the parking deck, and stopped in front of a large, black motorcycle. “For this.” Joel told the younger man, gesturing towards the motorcycle.

Sonny put on his helmet. “Just tell me that you’ll keep me safe.”

“I’ll always keep you safe.” Joel promised Sonny. He helped the man onto the motorcycle, and he looked absolutely terrified. Joel smiled lightly. It was time to fully break Sonny out from his sheltered life. Joel started the vehicle, and Sonny’s arms gripped tightly around his torso.

Sonny was fine until Joel left the parking garage. His arms clutched Joel and he hid his face in Joel’s back. It wasn’t until the panic had left Sonny’s body that he began to enjoy the ride. He looked at the buildings around him, bringing up vague memories of when his parents would take him and his sister in for some audition or lesson with someone who couldn’t care less about their so called talent. His grip loosened slightly on Joel and he smiled.

Joel silently swore to himself. He couldn’t resist looking in his mirrors to catch a glimpse of the other man. They had been driving around the city and Joel had to stop at a gas station. He helped Sonny off the bike, and he took off his helmet.

“I forgot that I needed gas. Sorry about that. I wasn’t exactly planning on using it.” Joel looked at Sonny, who wasn’t even paying attention. He was too busy looking at his surroundings. “Don’t tell me that you’ve never been to a gas station.”

Sonny looked back at the older man. “I always stayed in the car. Mother said they were unsafe and unsanitary. It’s funny how safe she kept me by beating the shit out of me, and making me ignorant to the outside world.” Sonny glared at the ground. “I’ve also never eaten fast food before.”

“I don’t know how she got such a good job when she’s so stupid.” Joel said.

Sonny shrugged. “It’s a mystery or just her looks.” He shuddered a little.

Joel laughed, and helped Sonny back onto the motorcycle. Sonny’s arms rested dangerously close to his waist. His arms did not tighten once Joel started moving again. It was as if they were there to keep the two men close together. It was hard for Joel to focus with Sonny so close. He wasn’t like he usually was on his days off. He took them upon Kat’s request to not work himself into an early grave. Today was much different though. He felt Sonny’s hand ghost over his stomach, and skin grew hot. The things this kid did to him had so much of an effect on him. He wondered if he did the same to Sonny, probably not.

He stopped at the nearest McDonalds, and parked on the side of the street. Sonny wasn’t so graceful in his landing when refused Joel’s help. The older man broke out into hysterics as Sonny fell right into his arms.

“Are you absolutely positive that you don’t need help?” Joel asked when he had regained his composure.

“I am beyond what help can fix.” Sonny laughed, and looked at the fast food place, a small defiant smile formed on his lips. “Mother griped the most about McDonalds.” He practically ran into the restaurant as Joel tried to keep pace with him. He couldn’t contain his excitement anymore. Sonny was like a little kid in a candy store, and the analogy wasn’t too far off. He probably wasn’t allowed in candy stores either.

Joel just shook his head, grateful that his father wasn’t that awful to him. They found a table farthest from everyone else. Sonny had a simple hamburger with fries and a soda. He stared wide-eyed at the food in front of him.

“Little bites.” Joel reminded the eighteen-year-old. The last thing he needed was for Sonny to choke. “If it makes you feel better, you’ll most likely get tired of this place and go somewhere else.”

“Is that what the rest of the family does?” Sonny asked Joel.

“I guess. They do their own things when they aren’t working. Sleep, eat, and work.” Joel answered. “Except for you, I don’t think you ever sleep.”

“Not well. I try and I’m lucky to even get two hours of sleep. I have to occupy myself when I can’t sleep, so that’s why I’m always out. I didn’t sleep well at home. I used to steal my mother’s sleeping pills when I was sixteen.” Sonny sighed and took another bite of his food.

“Did you sleep last night?” Joel asked him.

“I was surprised that I fell asleep on your chest and woke up when Kat was yelling at you. Joel, I feel safe with you.”

Joel looked at him seriously. “I always keep you safe and I’ll kill anyone that hurts you. She’s never going to harm you again.” He promised Sonny. “I’ll die before that happens.”

“You don’t have to. I can fight my own battles.” Sonny looked down at the food in front o him.

“I’m doing it because I want to.” Joel said, simply.

Sonny looked at Joel again. “Call me crazy, but I think I’m in love with you.” He blurted out.

“I think I’m in love with you too, Sonny.” Joel responded. The word love felt weird to him, almost foreign. Joel hadn’t loved anyone in a long time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny picks up night shifts. [it’s a look in on what he does during the night when he doesn’t work the day]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

“No.” Joel protested, and pulled Sonny closer. He was about to go out for the night, and Joel was doing everything in his power to stop him. It was Sonny’s night to go out and work in the streets. He was equally as talented out there as he was in the tattoo shop. Sonny was valuable to Mau5trap in so many ways, and Joel didn’t like it. He was selfish, be he would never openly admit that to Sonny.

“I don’t want to leave you here but I have to. It’s my job, and I wouldn’t want to get fired.” Sonny tried his best to convince Joel. “It’s not responsible, Deadmau5.”

Joel’s arms loosened on the younger man. He had been sneaking into Sonny’s room when he worked nights. Sonny had been sleeping well. “I might need to fire myself.” He laughed.

“You have work too. If you’re still here when I get back, then you can have me.” Sonny promised him.

The two of them had been sneaking around, waiting a little while to say anything. Both had been giving little hints here and there without confirming anything. “Before I get caught.” Joel smiled, and got up.

“Yeah, get out before they see you.” Sonny laughed, and Joel kissed him lightly on the lips.

Joel whispered, “You’re mine tomorrow,” and left the room.

Sonny put on his glasses and met up with Dillon and Anton. “What’s been up with Mau5 lately?”

“Maybe he’s found someone.” Dillon suggested.

Sonny got nervous. “Maybe he didn’t, and he just found a new hobby.”

Dillon shook his head, a smirk on his lips. “I see that look in his eyes. It reminds me of someone else.” Anton blushed lightly at that. “Besides, he’s been working to a different schedule, like it’s in sync with someone else’s here.”

Sonny turned pale. “Well whoever it is, we can just be happy for them.” Sonny looked at the both of them. “Why are we discussing this? We should be discussing a certain someone’s birthday that is coming up very soon.”

Dillon looked away. “It’s no big deal.”

“Well, neither is Deadmau5’s personal life.” Sonny said, resting his case.

“Sassy today.” Anton commented.

“Aren’t I every day?” Sonny asked, rhetorically. “I just think we should leave well enough alone.” The other two agreed with Sonny and they all walked out in silence. He wondered if they suspected him now. It burned at the back of his mind that night.

The deals were smooth as always but Sonny’s focus was somewhere else. One minute he was in his thoughts, and the next, they were fleeing from a crime scene. They were in the clear as they tried to breathe normal again. Sonny checked his phone, 3 a.m. He parted ways with Dillon and Anton to walk the two blocks to the downtown shop that was open late and by all the bars. He assumed that whoever was covering tonight was probably busy.

Sonny walked into the shop, checking in on Jessica. The woman had her notably long, recently dyed, red hair tied up as she was working on a tattoo. “Hey, Skrills.” She greeted him.

“Do you need any help around here?” Sonny asked her.

“No, I’m good. Ben’s here helping out.” Jessica laughed. “That’s if he comes back from his break. I doubt it, but we’ll be closing soon.”

“I can stay if you want me to.” Sonny insisted. He’d been out since nine earlier that night but he wasn’t tired. “I have until four.”

“Go home, Skrillex.” She told him.

Sonny put his hands up in resignation. “Sorry, I’ve been itching to do another tattoo.”

“I get it. Go sleep now, you’re working the day too.” Jess stopped to look at him.

“Okay, see you around. Hopefully, Ben will come back.” Sonny gave in.

“He won’t, I can promise you that. Bye, Skrillex.” She told him as he left.

Sonny found Joel asleep at his desk. He put his hand lightly on Joel’s shoulder. “Hey Joel, wake up.”

Joel’s eyes slowly fluttered open at the sound of Sonny’s voice. “Is it time to go?” he asked.

“Why don’t we just stay here?” Sonny suggested. Joel nodded, agreeing with him, and they went back to Sonny’s room, stealthily. He didn’t need to worry Joel about the suspicion just yet. Sonny slept on Joel’s chest, chasing away nightmares.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Dillon’s birthday and Anton decides to do something special. Sonny is growing tired of hiding his relationship with Joel. [slight dillton in this one]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG

“Hey, workaholic, you’re going to miss the celebration.” Sonny caught Joel’s attention again. He put his pen down and stretched.

“Okay, Dillon’s birthday is more important than the paperwork.” He got up, and hugged Sonny’s waist, kissing his hair. “I forgot to straighten my priorities, sorry.” Joel mumbled. It was a bright Thursday afternoon. The date was October fifth, and Mau5trap was celebrating Dillon’s nineteenth birthday on Anton’s request. He didn’t want anyone to do anything, but Anton insisted on it.

The very thought of it made Joel try and suppress a smile. It was something he knew Sonny would do despite his protests. Did he even know Sonny’s birthday? Joel looked up at the man who was making an airplane out of old notebook paper. He shook his head, reminding himself that the kid was only eighteen. “When is your birthday?”

“It’s on the paperwork, isn’t it?” Sonny asked, and Joel took out his file, plopping it in front of the younger man. Sonny found the evaluation sheet, clicking his tongue in concentration. “It’s the fifteenth of January. You have a few months to worry about me. When is your birthday?”

“Sometime next year.” Joel smirked.

Sonny launched the paper airplane at him and it hit the desk in front of him. Joel laughed at it. “They didn’t say I was a good shot.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Joel laughed harder and Sonny pouted. “Okay, it’s the fifth of January.”

Sonny smiled, satisfied with Joel’s answer. “We have to go the party, remember?”

“Yes, I know. The hall is on the second floor. You leave first, and I’ll show up in five minute. You know, keep the secret?” Joel questioned himself. It was routine, but it didn’t mean it felt right.

Sonny sighed. “Yes, to keep the secret.” He agreed. It was cheesy to say that he wanted something as simple as holding his boyfriend’s hand in public, but it was sad at the same time.

Joel got up, and met Sonny at the door, tilting his chin up. “Hey, it’ll be okay. One day, they’ll all know and we won’t have to hide anymore.”

Sonny gave him a skeptical look and Joel kissed him, slencing any protest that had formed on his lips. Joel let go of him, and Sonny opened the office door. “One day, the one day that will never come.” He muttered before slipping out the door. He hurried down to the second floor, where he found almost everyone from Mau5trap there. Sonny snuck up on the blond, who was talking with Porter and Jessica. He gave Dillon an awkward side-embrace since Anton was on his arm. “Happy birthday, man.”

“Thank you, Skrills.” Dillon smiled. After that, they talked about unimportant things, and Dillon couldn’t help but notice the wall Sonny put up. He knew it had something to do with Deadmau5 because Sonny tensed up right away when he entered the hall. Dillon also noticed that he looked longingly at him. It wasn’t until he got closer that things went downhill. “Hey, look who’s late to the party.” Dillon laughed.

“I’m not late, you’re all early.” He joked.

“Yeah right, Mau5.” Dillon smiled at their leader.

“I tried. I have a present for you to make up for my tardiness.” Joel offered. Dillon raised his eyebrows, encouraging him to go on. “You and Anton get the night off, but don’t be loud about it. I don’t need to hear that again while I’m doing paperwork.”

Dillon smirked while Anton blushed and hid his face. Porter laughed at it, and Sonny forced out a chuckle. “That was a good one, Jo-I mean Deadmau5.” Sonny slipped up.

Joel tried to shake it off, but a new tension rose in the air. It was almost too much to bear until Dillon released Anton, and forcibly took Joel’s arm. “A word with you.” He demanded.

“Yes, but lets discuss this in a more private setting.” Joel said through his teeth.

“As you wish.” Dillon led Joel to an empty hallway, a little bit away from the party. “What was that back there?”

“What was what?” Joel tried to be oblivious. “Don’t play dumb, Joel. If you think I’m too blind to see it then you’re wrong.” Dillon glared at him.

“What do you see? Don’t hesitate since you started this disregarding the fact that I took you in, and introduced you to the man of your future. Apparently, it means nothing to you.” Joel said, bitterly.

“Joel, don’t do this to me. We both owe each other greatly, but I’m the one who is acknowledging it. With that being said, I know you’ve been sneaking around with someone here.” Dillon had a soft look in his eyes now. Relationships were hard for Joel to discuss, and he left his tough stance as the older man slid down the wall.

Joel had his face in his hands. “I don’t want his life to end like that. Not another one. I just want him to stay safe, he’s so young, Dillon. What would I do if he was gone? He’s become my everything and my motivation.”

Dillon could hear the suppressed sobs that shook Joel’s body, as he hid from him. It was rare to see him broken like this, and he knelt down beside his boss. “Your love and protection is also hurting him. Do you think no one will stand next to you if you the world your love for Sonny Moore? We’ve been waiting ages for you to fall in love again. I’ll protect that kid just like how you protect Anton and everyone else here because that is what a family does. He’s a brother to all of us back in that room and we’ll defend him just like he defends us. We are a real family, and there is no need for you to hide your love for him.” Dillon saw Joel take his hands from his face, wiping the tears on his sleeve. He gave Dillon a small smile that would soon be replaced by a tight frown.

“If anyone ever puts their hands on him in a menacing way again, I’ll kill them before they can even think anything of it.” Joel glared. “I won’t let him die because of me. Never again.”

“Are you good to go back?” Dillon asked after five minutes of silence. Joel nodded. “Hey, what happened to your hat?” Joel patted his head, and then a blush appeared upon him remembering what had happened. “I don’t think I want to know.”

“It’s better you don’t.” Joel agreed as they walked into the dinner hall again. Dillon grabbed Anton by the waist, kissing his cheek. Joel simply held Sonny’s hand, but it was enough to make him panic.

“Joel, you’ll ge-” Sonny was cut off by a quick kiss from the older man.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m yours as much as you are mine, and lately, I haven’t been fair to you.” Joel told him, and Sonny leaned against his shoulder.

“Thank you, best boyfriend ever.” Sonny smiled, content with being able to finally hold Joel’s hand.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nights and days fueled by heartache, signs begin to show for Sonny’s anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

Sonny looked at his phone, and he hurried back to the parking decks on the other side of their territory. It bordered on enemy territory but no one was worried. It had been four weeks since Dillon’s party, and Sonny had seen just what kind of tests his and Joel’s relationship would be put through. It was the week after Joel arrived home that Kat came back both physically and emotionally drained.

Joel was bitter and did not want to talk at all that week. He had distanced himself from everyone, including Sonny. He and Kat had went up to Canada just two days after Dillon’s birthday. Kat had told him it was personal business that they had deal with and it would be better if Sonny stayed behind for the sake of Mau5trap. He wished that he had protested Kat’s decision. The worry for Joel was worse than the heartache.

Sonny couldn’t sleep for the two weeks Joel was gone, and he was greeted with cold, angry eyes on the day of his arrival. Joel barely spoke, and kept his distance. Sonny remembered the day he got fed with Joel’s act. It was a cold night in Joel’s apartment and it was all triggered by a simple touch.

Sonny was holding a plate, and he was particularly upset over Joel’s attitude. He said nothing to Sonny that day, and he had a bitter air around him. It spread to Sonny, and he felt like he was at home again. He knew Joel didn’t mean to hurt him when he hugged his waist, but he scared the shit out of him. Sonny dropped the plate, and it shattered on the floor. “Don’t fucking touch me.” He pried himself from Joel’s arms, running out the door. He dashed out in the hallway, and tried to get on the elevator. It wasn’t quick enough. He took off for the stairs, and ended up in the parking garage near Joel’s car. Now, if he could find the key. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. There was no space for rational thinking.

“Sonny, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not them. I promise. I will never do that to you.” Joel walked up to Sonny, hands raised in resignation.

Sonny looked at Joel, and slid down against the car. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” He began to sob.

Joel knelt down next to him. “I’m going to touch you, and when you feel better, we’ll go inside. It’s cold out here.” He put his arms around Sonny, and hugged him to his body. Sonny wrapped his arms around his waist, crying into Joel’s chest. He kept apologizing to Joel until the man shushed him. He looked up at him, and Joel wiped the tears from Sonny’s eyes. “It’s all my fault. I’m sorry for hurting you. I shouldn’t have left you out. I’ve pushed you past your limits, and I’m sorry. I don’t know how to handle this pain around you.”

Sonny nodded, and wrapped his arms around Joel’s neck. Joel picked Sonny up, and carried him back to the apartment. Sonny was still shaking as Joel set him on the couch, and he sat next to the younger man. Sonny crossed his legs, and leaned against the arm of the couch, facing him. Joel cleared his throat.

“So I got a phone call from some hospital in Toronto. A nurse told me that my father was dying and he wanted my sister and I to be there. We learned a lot about him. We were too much alike, and it scared me. He told me how much he hated himself when mom died. He worked to forget her and to hide himself from us. He couldn’t face his children. He said that we were better off without him. I always thought I hated him, but then I finally understood his motives. What he did to Kat and I is what I do to you. What I used to do to Kat.” Joel was lost in his thoughts. “Kat went up there with her daughter, and I don’t think I had ever seen a more genuine smile from that man. I didn’t know he’d be so different from the last time I saw him. I talked about you nonstop. I couldn’t help myself. He asked me about you for the next two weeks until his health declined even more.” Joel stopped, fighting back his tears.

Sonny put his hand on Joel’s shoulder, trying to comfort him. Joel leaned his head towards the younger man.

“You’re my life, Sonny. You’re all I have left. I should’ve brought you with me, he would have loved you like the rest of the family.” Joel gave him a soft look. “I’m taking his death harder than I had originally thought. I wanted to suffer alone, and not drag you into this. I’m sorry for shutting you out.” Joel leaned into Sonny’s shoulder, and stayed there.

Sonny looked out into the dark, abandoned street below him. Something felt really off, and he heard gunshots echo through the garage. He heard Joel yell. Sonny pulled out his gun.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Members of Mau5trap are under attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T, blood and violence

“Jessica, take the left wing, and where the fuck is Chase?” Joel asked her, urgently as he loaded his gun again.

“It’s a hell of a time for him to be missing.” Jessica loaded her gun and turned towards the left wing. “Sonny is strong and I know he’ll be okay.”

She ran over, and hid behind a minivan. There was a goon in plain sight. Make another shot and I’ll end you, she thought. That’s when she noticed the mess of black hair and blood on the floor in front of him. She aimed her gun.

“You stupid fuck.” Joel muttered as he looked at the dead man he had just finished off. Joel laid low, looking for others. He heard Chase on the other side of the garage.

Sonny was curled up and he was a mess. Everything hurt to him, and his gun was clenched in his fist, held tightly against his chest. This was a matter of life or death, and Sonny didn’t know what to do. His breathing was shallow, and he could feel his predator right in front of him. It was his only hope of survival. Sonny gripped the gun tighter, getting ready to attack.

Jessica saw the man struggle on the floor. “Hey!” She yelled, and the goon turned around, a smirk on his face. She could take him, and she definitely wasn’t scared.

Sonny’s head whipped up as he saw the man gaining ground on Jessica. Not her, he thought as he aimed his gun at the offender, taking one shot. He hit him in the back of the head, and he was dead before he hit the floor.

Jessica rolled the body over, lowering her gun. “Is there anything you can’t do, kid?”

Sonny laughed nervously. “Well, right now I can’t stop bleeding.” His left hand uncovered the wound on his leg, and then Jess saw the one on his right arm. “They’re not too deep. It’s just the blood.” Jessica knelt down next to the man, assessing the damage.

Joel limped over to his car, Chase following close behind. Joel looked at Sonny, and he felt the anger boil under his skin. “Who did this to you?”

Sonny pointed at the dead goon on the floor. “I took care of it, Joel.”

“I could’ve killed him, but I knew that Sonny was still alive. I didn’t want him to get crushed.” Jess said, holding the wound on Sonny’s arm. “Chase, how much do you care about your shirt?”

“Not that much.” Chase said hesitantly. “I’ll just steal a new one.” He was a little taller than Joel, and had short blond hair. He took off his shirt, revealing his heavily colored skin, with different tattoos. He threw it to Jess.

Jessica ripped it into two pieces and tied them around Sonny’s wounds. Joel smoothed over Sonny’s hair, trying to calm himself more than Sonny. “Chase, are you capable of disposing of the bodies?” Joel asked him, and he nodded. “Good, I need to call Kat, and we need to get the hell out of here.” Joel got up.

“Joel, you’re bleeding!” Sonny gasped.

“I know, but that’s not important right now.” Joel dialed a number, and Chase took away the body away. “Kat, I need you. We’re at the South garage, and bring towels.”

“Joel, I think this was planned.” Sonny said.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the attack on Mau5trap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T, blood, bad bullet jokes

Kat threw her keys to Jessica. “Jess, don’t wreck my car.”

Jess smiled, “I’ll try.” Kat laughed. Joel got into the back of his car, and Sonny was sprawled across his lap. “See you guys later.” Jess told the three of them before she and Chase left in Kat’s car.

Sonny looked up at Joel. “I need a cigarette before I kill over from the anxiety. I don’t want to lose it and run off again.” He let out an empty laugh, still shaken.

Kat began to drive the car, and she was silent, listening to them. Joel and Sonny shared a cigarette and tried to keep each other’s minds off of their wounds. Sonny saw the stress in Kat’s body language. “Are you okay, Kat?” Sonny asked her.

“I’m still a little shaken that I almost lost four of my family members tonight. You wouldn’t believe how quick Dillon showed up to watch my daughter when he heard the news. They are all worried now. How many of them were there?” Kat now questioned them.

“Six.” Joel told her.

“How many did you kill?” Kat looked at him in the rearview mirror.

“Two, but the second one got me. The idiot had bad aim and I took advantage of that.” Joel absentmindedly played with Sonny’s hair in one hand, and comfortingly stroked his cheek with the other.

“Where did he get you?” Kat was now concerned for her brother.

“Me getting shot is nothing new. I am covered in scars from bullets.” Joel protested. Sonny looked up at him, eyes reprimanding. “Alright, I was shot in the ass, but I’m fine. We should be more worried about bloody Sonny over here.” Joel looked up from his boyfriend, glaring out the window.

Kat sighed, “One minute you’re bragging about getting a cap in your ass and the next, you’re dead.”

Sonny laughed at that, and Joel rolled his eyes. “No matter how many times you tell that it’s never funny.”

“What is with these gangsters and your ass? It must be quite likeable.” Kat smirked.

“It is a nice ass.” Sonny elbowed him.

The red had burned his cheeks so bad that the pain from his gunshot wound wasn’t even noticeable. “We’re not discussing this. I am the big scary boss and I am not going to have ass jokes made about me.” The blush stung to match the embarrassment he felt. “I feel so violated.”

“I meant what I said, all I ask is, how does it feel, Joel Zimmerman? You always make jokes about my ass and now the tables have turned.” Sonny looked up at the older man, expression victorious.

Kat pulled into Joel’s space in the parking garage. Sonny clung to Joel the whole way into his apartment, forgetting about his moment of victory. He was still scared, and parking garages weren’t something he wanted to be anywhere near right now. Kat found the big medical kit in Joel’s closet. Sonny stood still, and held Joel’s hand the whole time that Kat took to remove the bullets from his left calf, and his upper right arm. Kat cleaned out his wounds and put real bandages on them.

“Well, at least the bleeding stopped.” She told Sonny. “Now, Joel, I trust that you can clean your own wounds by now. Did you remove the bullet?”

“I did it already, so I’ll go clean it alone.” Joel stalked off to the bathroom.

Kat looked at Sonny. “How did you survive?”

“Jess distracted my attacker or should I say my bounty hunter? I shot him once in the head, and he was dead before he even hit the ground. I killed someone tonight. I didn’t think I was capable of that.” Sonny looked at his hands. Kat gave him a bottle of water from the fridge. “I think it was all planned. The timing was too perfect for it to just be a coincidence.”

Kat looked at him seriously. “Of course it was. Don’t get too worked up over it. We all have bounties on our heads by rival gangs. We’ll wipe them out. This is our turf.”

“What do I have to be worried about then?” Sonny asked.

“Your family, your job, but the most important thing you have to be worried about right now is your boyfriend. You get to stop him from going out getting himself killed because of his temper.” Kat told Sonny. “You’re okay and so is he. That’s all I want right now. Don’t come in today. Keep Joel in. He needs to cool down.”

Joel came out of the room, now in sweatpants. “I’m going to have a pretty scar now, I can tell.”

Kat smiled at his grimace. “I think you Sonny should have matching ones on your legs now.” 

Joel shook his head. “The mystery is how you never get shot.”

“Stealth, brother, I use stealth. It’s super effective.” Kat grinned.

“You learned a lot on your trip to China.” Joel stated.

“My four-year-old has more stealth than you, and she has no concept of what her mother and uncle does for a living. It’s just because you’re a shoot first, ask questions later type of guy.” Kat looked back at him. “Speaking of my four-year-old, I should get back to her.”

“Thank you for everything, Kat.” Sonny thanked her. She gave him a warm smile before leaving.

Joel wrapped his arms around Sonny’s waist, kissing his cheek. Sonny rested his head against Joel’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re alive. I’m proud of you. I know it wasn’t easy for you to kill a human being.”

“Jess was in danger, and I wasn’t letting anyone die for me.” Sonny stared out the window on the South wall, only seeing their reflection in it. “I think we need some sleep. I look like hell just spit me out.”

Joel chuckled. “Same for me.” He held Sonny’s hand as they left for his bedroom. Sonny took off everything but his boxers, looking at his bloody clothes in disgust. Joel was distracted by how the moonlight hit his body, showing signs of muscle that he had built up over the past few weeks. Sonny was beautiful to him, and Joel would never get over it. He had seen Sonny like this only a few times before, but it still hypnotized. There was something about how his hair brushed over his shoulder blades that kept Joel glued to him. Seeing this much of Sonny was almost scandalous. Joel had to smack himself back to reality before his eyes wandered any lower. Sonny took off his glasses that Joel both loved and hated at the same time.

Sonny climbed into the bed, brown eyes inviting Joel over. Joel protectively hugged the younger man to him. Sonny traced over the outline of Joel’s tattoos on his arm, trying to fall asleep. “You should sing something to me.” Sonny whispered.

“Not in your wildest dreams.” Joel muttered back to him. “Why don’t you sing?”

Sonny was silent for a moment, and then he started humming. Joel fell asleep to the beautiful sound, and Sonny soon fell asleep as well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s one of my infamous filler chapters of “We almost died sex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: NSFW  
> (also comments, feedback, kudos, etc. are appreciated)

Sonny woke up mid afternoon to sound Joel’s phone. He shook Joel, weakly. “Can you get that or shut it up?” he whined.

Joel groaned in protest, reaching for the offending piece of technology. He looked at the screen, and shook his head. “Fucking telemarketers. Don’t they know two grown men are trying to sleep at 1 in the afternoon after both being shot earlier?”

Sonny laughed as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. “Maybe it was a curtousey call to see if you were still alive.” he suggested, looking at the older man.

"I don’t care about what they’re selling." Joel looked back at him. Sonny’s body was almost completely uncovered from the blanket. Joel couldn’t help but stare at him. His hair was a knotted mess on his shoulder, and his chest rose and fell in perfect time intervals. He had soft curves with sharp hipbones. Joel was stuck on that happy trail that led to boxers that were lying a little too low.

"Earth to Joel." Sonny waved his hand in front of Joel’s face, trying to get his attention. Joel looked at Sonny’s small smile, and leaned in to kiss him. Sonny gasped quietly as Joel slid his hand down his chest. Sonny’s arms gripped his waist. Joel broke the kiss and Sonny looked at him seductively. "It’s been too long since we last did this and I need you now more than ever."

Joel licked his lips. “Are you sure? I’m not complaining but you did get shot twice this morning.”

"I’m positive, Joel. Don’t hold back on me either." Sonny exposed his neck, inviting Joel.

Joel grinned as he kissed Sonny’s neck lightly, nipping it occasionally. Sonny pulled at Joel’s hair, trying to make him bite harder. He thrusted his hips up to meet Joel’s, moaning in pleasure. Joel pulled away. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” he kissed down Sonny’s chest, and left little bite marks on his stomach. He pulled off Sonny’s boxers, exposing his already half hard dick. Joel gave Sonny one last look before taking the head into his mouth.

Sonny moaned and his fingers tightened in the sheets under him. It was hard for him to think as his back arched, and Joel held his hips down. It had been too long since the last time they had done this, and Joel was a little too eager. They were safe in Joel’s apartment, and no one would catch them here if someone was a little too loud. He thanked himself for opting for those soundproof walls.

Sonny keened loudly as Joel took in his entire length. Joel looked up at Sonny and felt himself get hard at what he saw. It was hard to believe that he had gotten shot twice earlier that day with the way he was moaning and the force he applied against Joel’s hands. Sonny gave him a pleading look, completely wrecked. His eyes begged for Joel to go on.

He made his way back up Sonny’s body, and he kissed the younger man roughly. Sonny’s hand searched the drawer for the lube, grinning against Joel’s lips. He thrust his hips against Joel’s, trying to get him to move faster. Joel moaned against Sonny and he took the lube from him, spreading a small amount on his fingers. Sonny lifted his legs as Joel slid in one finger, and then he gasped out Joel’s name as he slid in another finger. His hands desperately scratched at the covers, trying to hold onto something as Joel fingered him open. Joel removed his fingers and Sonny’s eyes gave him a protesting stare. He raised his eyebrows at the younger man before spreading the lube on his fully erect member.

He gave Sonny a look, warning him before he pushed into the younger man. Sonny gasped as the pain shot through his body. It had definitely been too long since their last time together, and now they were paying for it. That didn’t stop Sonny from crying out Joel’s name in between his swearing. Joel gripped Sonny’s hips as he began to thrust slow and steady at first, but then picking up a more rushed pace as Sonny dug into his shoulders. Joel leaned over to nip at Sonny’s neck, savoring each keen from the younger man.

Sonny’s nails trailed down Joel’s back as he let out a loud whine when Joel hit his spot again. He wasn’t going to last any longer now but he was determined to not finish first. Sonny now brought down his hips in rhythm with the older man’s, and he pulled hard at the hair on Joel’s head, biting his neck. Joel slammed into him hard, crying out when he met his release. Sonny’s name was on his lips as he worked his hand along the younger man’s length, trying to get him off.

Sonny cried out Joel’s name, leaning against his chest. Joel worked him through his release and soon they were falling back on the bed, Joel careful on pulling out. Sonny curled against his side, kissing him long and with passion. Joel hugged him close, watching the sun from the window dance over his skin.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath, something boiling under the surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[It’s a halfway mark]]
> 
> Rating: T

Sonny woke up to the sound of the piano in the other room. Joel had left the bedroom door open, almost as if it was an invitation for Sonny to join him. The more notes he heard, the more motivated he became to get out of bed. Sonny just took the blanket with him, too lazy to find where his clothes had been thrown off from the events that took place earlier. He drug the blanket behind him, letting the notes be his guide.

He padded through the grand room until he got to the archway of the smaller room. Sonny leaned against it, and took in the melody. Joel was happy again. It only took him four weeks, and being shot to do it, but at least he got to see the hint of a smile on the older man’s concentrated expression as his fingers continued the melody.

It was weird that the only thing Sonny could think about was Joel when there was some underlying danger that neither of them were addressing lurked close by. It was just another thing they would deal with later. They both had their assumptions but they would get to them when someone brought it up.

Joel kept on playing, not noticing his new guest in the room. He hummed along with the melody he was playing, occasionally stopping to correct what he had written on the paper. Sonny wondered how many days off he had spent on writing music. He wasn’t just some businessman who was “secretly” the leader of one of the most feared gangs in the area. Joel was also a musician. Sonny admired him.

“Feel free to sing along, sunshine.” Joel said, as he stopped and erased a few notes. Sonny jumped, and before he was about to ask, Joel spoke as if reading the younger man’s mind. “I heard you dragging the blanket behind you all the way from my bedroom.” Joel laughed, and closed the book, throwing it on the pile of other notebooks.

“Well, at least you’re all better now.” Sonny laughed out of his own embarrassment and Joel pulled him into a hug. He leaned against Joel’s chest.

“I’d love to play music and cuddle you all day, but we have some serious things to discuss.” Joel told him.

Sonny nodded, and walked over to the couch, sitting in his usual corner. “Well, what do you think it was about?” Sonny asked the older man.

Joel looked at Sonny seriously. “A type of warning, maybe. I don’t think it was planned. They would have had more skilled people out there if they wanted to cause any damage. They are a small problem but I think it’s nothing to worry about.” Joel looked away, thinking. “What about you?”

Sonny thought about his words carefully. “They’re sending us their worst so we think that it’s no big deal. If they send us Kats, Jasons, Joels and Jessicas then we’re going to be more alert but if they send us people like me, then we’ll have our guard down and they can attack at any given moment.”

“You’re not that bad, considering that you killed a man in one shot. They’re sending us what I would consider a noob.” Joel looked up at him. “We’re not putting our guard down, trust me. I’m not stopping until their leader is dead. No one sends their helpers to shoot my boyfriend and gets away with it.”

“We have to find them first but we’ll have to kill their best to even get a shot on the leader. Most of them are a little more protected than you and Kat.” Sonny told him, still serious.

“I can cover my own ass.” Joel said, simply. “Porter is our most protected because of his age.”

Sonny nodded, “Their boss might be able to as well. High protection is common for them. I have another theory.”

“What is that?” Joel asked Sonny, curiously. Sonny was a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for.

Sonny looked up. “This was planned. They weren’t there to kill, just injure. If they really had a bounty on my head, then I would have been dead. It was a setup, Joel. They’re waiting for a reaction, or retaliation from you. They want you dead. This is more than a power struggle. They want us all gone when you’re out of the way.”

Joel looked at him in shock. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s hard to trust anyone right now. Anybody can be the enemy. They are lurking in our territory, attacking the ones that mean the most to you.” Sonny’s voice sounded like it was in pain.

“Who do you think is next?”

“I don’t know. It could be any of us now. I do have another theory.” Sonny’s voice grew grave.

Joel’s eyes widened. What was it now? “Yes?”

Sonny swallowed before looking back at Joel. “I think someone is working behind the scene, meaning that we have a traitor on our hands.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions become worse and everyone at Mau5trap is uneasy around each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

“So, do you have any ideas of who we’re looking for?” Joel asked Sonny.

“I have no idea.” Sonny shook his head. “There have been assumptions, but I don’t see them to have any motives to betray us. I just don’t know. There’s a tension in between people here and what if they’re just running to you with some bullshit story to get what they want?”

Joel nodded. “I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as we originally thought. It has been almost two months since the incident, and we’ve been getting threats almost three times a day. They’ve been shot at and people have died because of this. I’ve lost members because I can’t figure out something so simple.” Joel looked at the papers on his desk. The office was mostly dark and it was getting late. “Josh died this morning. Merry fucking Christmas.”

Josh was a newer kid that had joined Mau5trap a few weeks back. He was shot the other day and rushed to the hospital with the least notorious of the group. He gave in to his injuries this morning. Sonny looked away from the older man, picking at the skin on his thumbs. He didn’t know what to say. Every lead they got went cold eventually, and none of them were the same. Kat had walked into Joel’s office, trying to hold back tears when she had delivered the news this morning. She was just as ruined as her brother anymore. She deemed L.A. unsafe for her daughter and sent her to live with a friend for a while.

Sonny didn’t know how long she would stay here. He had found Kat in her car multiple times holding a picture of her child and crying. He wanted this to be over so that she could have her daughter back. He wanted Joel back too. No one was the same. The curfews were strict and everyone was vigilant of each other. You couldn’t trust anyone. Sonny had considered taking one for the team and dying but there was a slight flaw in his plan. Whoever it was didn’t want Sonny dead, they wanted Joel dead, and Sonny wouldn’t have that.

“People come and go. Some die, I don’t know why I care.” Joel put his head down on his desk.

Sonny held his hand. “Let’s go home, I’ll drive. Forget this mess for a moment. It’s Christmas.”

Joel said nothing but he followed Sonny out of the warehouse, gun gripped tightly in his hand. That’s what their lives were reduced to, a constant fear of attack and more death. The bloodshed had taken more of a toll on Joel than he was willing to admit, and he barely spoke. There was a silent understanding between the two of them. They would do anything to keep the other safe.

Joel opted for a bigger and more bulletproof car, and they never went out anymore. When Sonny had to work nights, Joel sent two or three people to follow him closely. It was bad but Sonny had people quietly guard Joel too. He had no idea and Sonny planned to keep it that way. His efforts to protect his boyfriend were on a need to know basis. He even restricted Joel to the bulletproof car.

It was draining for both of them. Sonny never had anyone to take care of and to look out for before. Now that he had Joel, the risk of losing him was absolutely horrifying to him. He loved Joel more than anything, and those small breaths that he heard over the heater in the car were the only things that kept him going anymore. He couldn’t live if Joel died. There was no moving on. Sonny could fight for himself but the soul inside of his body was nothing without Joel’s.

Joel led Sonny into his apartment, and they got into bed, saying nothing and neither of them could eat. Sonny took a small box out of his jacket pocket, and he sat it on the bed next to Joel. He handed it to the older man once he acknowledged its presence. Joel gave it a curious look.

“I’ve had it for a while. I wanted to give it to you for Christmas.” Sonny explained to Joel. “I’m sorry it’s not wrapped.

Joel opened the box, and inside of it was a silver ring. He looked up at Sonny who was blushing. Joel examined the ring.

“It’s something for you to remember me by when we’re apart. I got it a while back when I was convinced that I couldn’t live without you.” He looked at his hands. “I’m sorry I sound du-”

Joel cut him off by shushing him. He wasn’t a man of affectionate words. He picked up the ring and slid it on his ring finger. Joel leaned in towards the younger man and kissed him softly. He held Sonny’s face in his hands. “It’s perfect, the best gift I’ve ever received.”

Sonny smiled at Joel. It was the first genuine smile he had given someone since the threats had begun. The small smile warmed Joel’s heart and brought the butterflies back to his stomach. Sonny hugged him, resting his head against Joel’s chest.

“I don’t know how long we have to live on this planet, but I’ll spend it all with you. I guess I’ve forgotten how much you mean to me and it was overshadowed by recent events. Trust me, id marry you if it were legal.” Joel kissed his head.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone points the finger at an unsuspected member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T  
> Sorry guys last week I wasn't feeling it and I just put a side thing on my tumblr. This week I've been sick so I'm a little late with this one but I'll try to be early with tomorrow's chapter.

Joel looked up from his phone and at Sonny. “There’s a new lead with evidence.”

Sonny’s mouth dropped open a little. “Oh?” He followed Joel out of the office and they hurried down the hallway to the meeting room. They both were met with a shocking sight.

Ten other members guarded the exits and Jessica was in the middle of it all. Raine was close by her, grinning like she had won some prize. Jessica was still cool and composed despite the eleven guns that were pointed at her.

“No need to be so hostile.” Joel told everyone else, hiding his shock well. Joel angled his body slightly to hide Sonny behind him. It was unspoken hierarchy. Nothing personal, Joel was in charge and Sonny was just like everyone else now. Sonny felt the tension leave his body and he relaxed as he drew back.

“Mau5, she’s dangerous not to mention a traitor as well.” Raine protested as everyone lowered their guns. No one questioned Joel but her. She still had hers raised.

“Please if I was a traitor, I would have killed you first just to shut you up for once.” Jessica said, still composed. She really did have a good way of keeping her temper in check. Raine held the gun closer to her, trying to intimidate her. “Raine, I’ll have you pinned on the floor before you can pull the trigger.”

“Then, why don’t you?” Raine hissed, getting closer to the twenty-one- year-old.

“I don’t think my boss would be pleased to see me do that.” Jessica didn’t move.

“Why was the evidence in your room? What are your motives here to have that much information?” Raine asked, growing more desperate.

“It was planted in my room and you so conveniently found it. Raine, what are your motives here? What the fuck were you doing in my room? I don’t touch your shit. You’re still that little child I met four years ago.” Jess fought back. Raine was speechless.

Joel stepped forward and placed himself in between them. “Disperse, everyone go back to what you were doing before.” Raine opened her mouth to protest. “I picked you off the streets, goddammit; take a fucking order for once in your life. You should be grateful all you bring me is pain and headaches.”

Raine walked away, but looked over her shoulder one last time. “You still blame me for her death. It’s been a few years, get over it. You’re screwing Skrillex anyway.” She hurried out of the room after delivering her final blow.

“I can always kill her if you want.” Jessica suggested. “Free of charge, my pleasure.”

Sonny’s fist’s clenched by his sides. He focused on the windows, looking at the panes, and how they came together. It was anything to stop him from doing something rash. He felt Joel unclench his one fist, and Sonny fell against him. Joel rubbed his back.

“Jessica, I’d like to talk to you somewhere else.” Joel told her, still trying to calm Sonny down. He noticed that Dillon was still close by. “Dillon, can you get Kat?”

“Yes.” Dillon left the room quickly and went to Kat’s office. He came back with her close behind, and then dismissed himself.

Kat’s face held concern for the man in Joel’s arms. “What happened to Sonny?” She rushed over to them.

“I think it’s either a panic attack or he’s trying to hold back his anger and this is the result.” Joel tried forcing the other fist to unclench.

“What went on here?” Kat turned to Joel.

“I’ll tell you later. I need to discuss something with Jessica. Would it be trouble for you to monitor him?”

“Not at all.” Kat answered her brother.

Joel leaned in towards Sonny so that he was making eye contact. “I need to settle something right now, and Kat is going to help you. Okay?”

“Y-yes.” Sonny stuttered.

“Good.” Joel kissed his forehead. “I love you, please get better. Calm down. Eat something.”

Sonny nodded weakly, and Kat walked away with him.

Joel turned to Jessica. “Let’s go, now.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel finally learns about Jessica’s past and motives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T, for mature themes

Jessica stared out the window as Joel left the city. It was a half an hour away and Joel pulled off in a deserted area. Jess looked up, giving Joel a small smile. “The old spot. It’s been almost a year since we went out here. I know it’s not your intention to kill me here, Joel.”

“I don’t go out much anymore. I’ve exhausted myself fully to keep him safe and yet he refuses to take his medicine. That’s not the first time it’s happened. He has panic attacks all the time and it’s my fault. I need him well, so it’s better I take you out here to avoid any other conflicts. Jessica, what is your side of the story?” Joel asked, sitting next to her with his legs over the edge of the small cliff. There was a light breeze in the warm January afternoon. Sometimes, Joel had to remind himself that this was normal for winter after being born and raised in Canada.

Jess sighed and looked at Joel. “I don’t know where that paper came from and dammit she’s so self-righteous. She just wants me gone. I’m not here to kill everyone. You’re the only family I’ve ever known. I came in here without love for anyone. I guess you could say it was damaging to me when you took me in under your wing.” She said, wiping her face. “I never told anyone what I’ve been through, and it’s a little hard but it’s a need to know thing.”

Jessica looked back at Joel. “I was abandoned by my birth parents at a very young age and I was put into foster care. They were the worst places. I was abused, made to feel powerless. I felt like I was nothing. I decided to run away with my foster sister at age ten. She was thirteen at the time. We lived on the streets, sleeping in abandoned buildings when we were tired. We got separated one day and I never found her again. I was fourteen and trusted everyone out on the streets. They took advantage of me in more ways than one.” She looked away again, trying not to cry.

“They did things to me, Joel. I’ve never learned what real love was and I thought I needed someone to protect me. I used to use my hair to cover my bruises and they weren’t from love. I snapped one day, fed up from being so powerless, and I killed a man. That’s when I found my inner weapon. I was so satisfied with this weapon.” She shook her head.

“That’s really rough, Jess.” He looked out into the neighborhoods that the cliff was above.

“I found you first. I watched Mau5trap for weeks and it hit me as if I had found my calling in this life. I had found a way to cap my emotions and lacked them the whole time John walked me in all while still keeping my composure. I remember the look on your face when he told you that I came here willingly.” There was a hint of a smile on her lips.

Joel let out a small laugh. “No one joins Mau5trap willingly. Not even Joel Zimmerman, so you were the first and possibly the last.”

Jess smiled. “I guess so. I’m not here for some gain in power I just snap when people don’t know their place and forget where they came from.” She looked at Joel seriously. “I guess it’s time I tell you that too.”

“Tell me what?” Joel looked at her, curiously.

“You were the first nice man that didn’t have anything to hide from anyone that I had ever met. It felt weird and new at the same time. I got a wrong signal from it. I guess you could say that I fell in love with you, and I obsessed myself with gaining your approval.” She looked away embarrassed.

Joel was red, and was slightly uncomfortable, but a little flattered too.

Jessica pushed the man’s shoulder. “Let me finish before you freak out.” Joel looked up at her, urging her to go on. “That’s when I worked harder and became the person that I am today. That love for you was something that kept me alive. I accepted Lindsey into my life and vowed to keep her safe for your sake. I never played the next in game, and the love faded into that of a younger sister that admires her older brother. Believe me when I say that I would never set up a trap to hurt Sonny. I almost lost it when I saw his body crumpled up on the floor. He means a lot to us and whoever is betraying us is a cold-hearted motherfucker. We are a family and no one hurts my family.” Jessica looked up at the sky, thoughtfully. “If there’s a fight, I’ll prove my innocence even if I have to die for each and every one of you.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny decides to do something special for Joel’s birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

January 5th came before Joel even knew it. Sonny sent him an urgent message and Joel rushed out of his office. If he had remembered the date then he would have expected this. He walked into the hall on the second floor. The lights were off. Did he read the message correctly? “Sonny?” Joel asked cautiously.

“Surprise!” The lights went on to reveal all of Mau5trap there. “Happy Birthday, Deadmau5.”

Joel smiled at them. “Thank you, guys, you didn’t have to.”

“Oh yes we did.” Dillon said. “How could we not celebrate the best boss in the world’s birthday?”

Joel got serious. “By doing your jobs.” There was silence, and Joel let it despite the look he was receiving from his boyfriend. He cracked a smile.

“You’re twenty-six and still the same troll.” Dillon laughed.

“Damn right I am.” He took Sonny’s hand as he approached him. “You little shit, just wait another ten days.” He whispered to Sonny.

Sonny smirked. “Bring it on.” Joel kissed his forehead, and Sonny smiled up at him. “Don’t eat too much, we’re going somewhere.”

“If you say so.” Joel raised an eyebrow. “Twenty-six isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Yes it is. Nineteen isn’t so special either. Besides, it doesn’t matter, I made reservations.” Sonny insisted “And if you even think about paying, I’ll kick your ass.”

Joel grinned. “I might just have to do that. I like it when you’re rough with me.”

Sonny looked up at him. “This is the kind of shit that makes us look like fuck buddies.”

“Let them think that but a fuck buddy doesn’t stay around when his boyfriend gets shot in the ass.” Joel’s hand brushed Sonny’s hip.

“Yeah, then you’re completely useless.” Sonny moved Joel’s hand. “Later, Joel, you have a party to be a part of.”

“Fine.” Joel stalked off further into his party and Sonny just rolled his eyes. Joel wasn’t hard to spot. He was in a crowd of about forty people, not a packed nightclub in L.A. It was great to see everyone there. They all seemed to forget the tension amongst each other and the possibility of a traitor for just a few hours. Sonny could forget for an hour or two that someone in this room was trying to kill his boyfriend.

There was another two hours of mingling until Sonny told Joel that they had to go. Joel had to laugh at how much more of a cautious driver Sonny had become since getting the bulletproof car. He’d take it over the dull mood that they were usually in. The car was much bigger than he was used to, so he drove a little slower. Joel made jokes about it, each time meeting the younger man’s harsh glare, followed by a half-hearted punch in the arm. It was just one of those days, Sonny told himself as he parked the car on the side of the street in the better part of the city. He led Joel into a tall building, and took the elevator to the top floor.

They stepped out onto the floor. The lighting was dim, and all of the tables were empty. Sonny walked up to the hostess. “Moore.” He said, and she nodded, leading them to the table by the glass wall.

“How did you get this?” Joel asked the younger man.

“I know a guy.” Sonny said simply.

“I understand your request for nice clothes this morning now.” Joel said thoughtfully. Sonny just smiled and they ordered their food. Joel fought the urge to get up and look out the window. He was secretly fascinated with heights and enjoyed the lights below him. He liked to watch the lights go on or turn off, depending on the time of day. Sometimes, Joel would wake up early to watch the sun rise and the lights would go off. Joel had always wanted to show Sonny, but he didn’t know if the younger man would enjoy it.

Sonny looked out the window and got up. “Joel come look at this!” He told him.

Joel got up a little too eagerly, but Sonny didn’t seem to mind. They watched the sun set, and Joel wrapped his arm around Sonny’s waist, resting his hand on his hip. He looked at the lights go on the city below them and he kissed the man’s temple.

“How did you know?” Joel asked him.

“You don’t think I don’t feel you get out of bed early in the morning? I see you watch it, and I kind of figured it out by all of the windows in your apartment.” Sonny smiled.

“You know, it’s going to be hard to do outdo you now.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel confronts Sonny about his anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

“Hey, Sonny, are you okay?” A concerned voice asked him. Sonny opened his eyes and everything was blurry. He couldn’t remember a thing. He tried sitting up, but his head started to ache and he fell back on the bed again. He felt a hand on his forehead. His eyes could barely make out Joel’s figure. “Take this.” Joel handed him a little pill with a glass of water once he sat up without falling over.

Sonny reluctantly took the medicine and decided on lying back down. Joel was next to, hugging him close. He kissed Sonny’s neck. “What happened to me?”

“I don’t know. One minute you were talking about your plans for the day and the next, you passed out.” Joel avoided Sonny’s gaze. “You scared me. I was about to take you to the hospital.”

Sonny frowned, looking at the wall. “That’s weird. I wonder how that happened.”

Joel dodged the response he had just thought of. He knew exactly why Sonny was like this. His anxiety was through the roof and he couldn’t keep anything down anymore. He quit every medicine he was on, citing Joel was the only drug he needed. At first it was kind of cute, but then he saw what it did to the younger man, especially after the shooting back in November. He was trying so hard to keep Sonny alive but the man was doing everything to die. Joel’s fists clenched by his sides.

“Joel, what’s the problem?” Sonny asked him, worry accenting his features.

“I am the problem.” He whispered, afraid of his own words.

“What?” Sonny looked at him in disbelief. Had he lost it?

Joel turned to him. “Look at yourself! You’re a wreck because of me! Sonny, I’m not a healthy drug, you need your real medication even if it’s a little bit of it. I can’t sit here anymore and watch you destroy yourself. I see it all the time. Sonny, you’re dying and you don’t even care that you’re wasting away!”

“I don’t understand, Joel. What am I doing wrong? They were never there to help me.” Sonny gave him a confused look.

Joel got frustrated and walked off to the bathroom. Sonny followed him. Joel glared at himself in the mirror. “Just look.”

Sonny saw the bags under Joel’s eyes and his defeated posture was too much for him. “Joel, you’re not okay.”

“If you think that’s bad, look at yourself. You can’t fool me. I know you’re hiding ribs under your shirt.” Joel stepped away.

Sonny looked in the mirror and he could have cried at what he saw. His cheekbones were the most prominent they had been in his entire life. His eyes looked worse than Joel’s and his hair was a disaster. Sonny briefly recalled times when he would grab the dark locks and pull at them until he lost a good amount of hair. Sonny fell to knees with his head in his hands. “Who am I?” he sobbed.

Joel only knelt beside him and hugged him close. Sonny felt stray tears hit him too. “I can’t lose you. Please get better. If you won’t do it for me then do it for yourself. I can’t see you die before you’ve even had the chance to live.”

Sonny nodded against his chest, and his sobs grew louder. Joel carried him back to the bed and let the man cry against his chest while trying to conceal his own tears.

His breathing calmed down after a while and he lifted his head to look at Joel. “I promise, I’m going to get better.”

Sonny kept to his word, and the next week, he worked harder to become more aware. He started eating and sleeping again. Joel felt himself relaxing too, but it was a short lived bliss.

They were all called in the meeting room again. Sonny stood among everyone else and they all faced Joel, who possessed a grim expression. Joel gave Sonny one serious look, it wasn’t a joke. This meeting was severe.

He cleared his throat. “This is the last night that you can go out. There’s a new threat, worse than before, and we need everyone. This isn’t retaliation; it’s us defending our lives and Mau5trap. They have sent me this note on the body of another one of our dead. The attack is set for the fifteenth, look around; we all know who died today. Keep that in mind when you fight.” Joel stopped. Some panicked as they found out who was gone. A newer kid was gone along with Kat, Jessica and someone else, someone very important to Mau5trap.

“Who is it, Mau5?” Sonny asked him, voice breaking the silence.

“We’re not sure, as you can see, we are missing some people. Assumptions have been made, and most were incorrect. We have to stay together. We have two days to determine the fate of Mau5trap.” Joel looked at all of them, but he didn’t have all the answers either. He was stalling. His eyes rested on Sonny, asking him if he was okay. Sonny just nodded and looked down.

The sound of heels clicking on the floor distracted them again. Everyone looked up to see Kat hurrying with Jessica close behind her.

“Kat, what is it?” Joel asked her as she stopped close in front of her brother.

Her voice was monotone. “Raine is gone.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine is gone, and they look to Jess for answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T
> 
> Sorry, I've been sick and then me being the terrible person I am, forgot to update this site but updated my tumblr instead.

“What do you mean Raine is gone?” Joel asked his sister still shocked.

“I mean she left. There’s nothing that she owns left. She packed everything and got the hell out of here.” She looked at the group. “Disperse; we’ll have another meeting after shifts change. I need Sonny and Jessica to stay.”

The four of them stayed there as everyone else quickly left the room. No one wanted to connect Raine’s disappearance to betrayal but they were pressed on time. Joel looked at Kat, silently begging her to continue.

Kat looked up from her hands. “We’ve been betrayed by one of our closest members. She was family and now this is more personal than it was before. Her room is completely bare. Jessica, tell them what you found.”

They all looked back at Jessica. She shifted her weight slightly. There was a lack of the normal confidence that she usually held. The woman was on edge. “I saw her with a bag packed to its breaking point. I asked Raine what she was doing with it and she hit me with something heavy. She took me by surprise. I was knocked unconscious.” Jess pushed back her hair to reveal the bruise that had started to swell on her forehead. “I could’ve stopped her if I had ducked. I just wasn’t expecting it. I know a lot of them don’t trust me because of her accusations, but I’ll fight to my death for Mau5trap.”

Joel only nodded, and that’s when Sonny stepped next to him. “It all makes sense to me now. Raine blames you, a strong and coolly composed act to keep the blame as far away from her as possible. She picks up almost all of us up and shows us this new life so that when she betrays us, we all still blame you. Now that she’s gone, they’ll deny her betrayal until she’s gone.”

“She’s not as dumb as I thought she was.” Jessica said a little upset. “Maybe, I’ll stop being ignored so much. My head hurts, so I’ll be trying to get some peace in my room.”

“Get better, Jess. We all need you well.” Joel said. She smiled at him slightly before leaving.

“I have to arrange some things before tomorrow, so I’ll be in my office.” Kat said, and no one questioned her.

“Keep her safe, Kat.” Joel told her.

“I’ll kill anyone who lays a hand on my daughter.” She said bitterly.

“Are you going then?” He asked his sister.

Kat shook her head. “I’m not leaving my family here again. You’ll never fight alone again, Joel. I’ll forgive myself for fleeing the last time.” Kat looked down. “I don’t want my daughter to know that her mother was a coward. I can’t live knowing that I’ve lost you again. I’d kill them all to keep my brother safe even if I had to die in the process. You’re barely twenty-six and you just started living. Who am I to take that away from you?”

“Don’t tell me that I deserve to live more than you do. I hurt you just like all the others did, I am your only brother, I should’ve protected you and I didn’t.” Joel looked at her seriously. He squeezed Sonny’s hand tightly, causing him to look up from the floor. “I can’t imagine losing any of you, and this one is my fault.” He met Kat’s Sonny’s gaze. They had their own silent exchange of words just with their looks.

“Fate’s going to play this one out now.” Kat said before leaving.

Joel put his arm around Sonny. “No sleep tonight, huh?”

“Sonny rolled his eyes. “Oh, whatever will we do? This complicates your plans for getting me back for surprising you on your birthday.”

“Oh shit, it’s on your birthday.”

Sonny shrugged his shoulders. “It’ll be better than the others, trust me.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members of Mau5trap begin to prepare for their fight. (there's a reference to a side drabble I did before it's called the lost tape and it's on my masterlist on my tumblr, writingobsessionsofryan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

Sonny woke up again to the sound of somber piano music. Joel was now messing with him. Sonny threw on a robe and made his way to the other room. There Joel was sitting at the grand piano with a big smirk. He turned towards Sonny.

“So, are you done playing your funeral requiem or are we going into work late?” Sonny asked him.

The smirk grew wider. “Your intentions were sleeping, but we’ve got a lot of work to do today.”

Sonny only nodded. It would be a long day of training for the newer members of Mau5trap, and some target practice. There was something about Joel’s smirk that just told him that he would know exactly what to do tomorrow.

Tomorrow, that word left a chill down Sonny’s spine and threatened to invade his mind yet again. Joel hugged him close, saying things that his mind did not grasp, and soon he was swallowing pills again. In a few minutes, the rational thoughts came back to him. Joel held him tightly.

Sonny sighed. “Sorry about that.”

Joel rubbed his back. “It’s alright. I know it’s stressful for you too.”

It was the last thing that they had said to each other. They were in the meeting hall again, surrounded by everyone to be involved in tomorrow’s events. Joel tried to relieve the tension in the room but it didn’t seem to work.

Joel cleared his throat. “As we all know there is supposed to be an attack on Mau5trap tomorrow. Some of you have been through this, some of you have not. We need to work our asses off today so we don’t die tomorrow. Look around, these people are your family and we don’t want to lose them.” Joel paused. “Raine is no longer a part of this family.”

Sonny looked up at Joel. “So, it’s been decided?”

“Yes, Skrillex, she’s the enemy. Who knows how many of our secrets she has. I’ll take care of her.” Joel said bitterly.

Sonny looked away. “I guess it’s no use dwelling on traitors. We should learn how to kill them and their armies.”

It was the ice breaker for training. Many of Mau5trap’s members were worried that they wouldn’t be able to do it in a day and it was the opposite of what Joel wanted. It had to be done and thoughts like these now were considered irrational. Joel paced the room, correcting errors where he had to. He couldn’t smile at the progress, because he knew it was his entire fault.

Joel could see that Dillon, Jessica and even Sonny were great teachers to the newer kids and the less experienced. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, but Joel wasn’t counting a victory yet. He glanced over in Sonny’s direction occasionally to see flashes of dark hair and sometimes even a smile. Joel just shook his head. Nothing could dampen the younger man’s mood.

It was late when they arrived back at Joel’s apartment. Both of them are sore and exhausted from the day’s work and they barely talk as they eat. Sonny has a lot to say, but no voice and it’s easier to get lost in the plot on the show on the TV than it is to face his problems head on. He’d rather wait.

It’s even later now and Sonny can’t sleep. He’s tormented by the guilt he feels in his veins. He rolls over to face Joel and see if he’s still awake. Sonny can see that his eyes are still open but the older man is somewhere else entirely. He stops to wonder where Joel could be in his thoughts, but then remembers the pressing issue at hand. Sonny kisses Joel’s cheek and whispers his name. Joel gives him one look. It’s a simple what do you want? look but it’s enough for him to get it off his chest.

“I know this sounds dumb, but if something happens to me tomorrow, there’s a letter to you in my room back at the warehouse. It’ll explain a lot of unanswered questions you have about me.” Sonny told him and looked away, almost ashamed of himself.

“And if you don’t die?” Joel asked him.

“Then, you can ask me anything and I’ll be completely honest. I’m sorry that I haven’t been and I think you really caught on.” Sonny looked back at Joel.

Joel put his hands up in surrender. “You saw the tape; I’m no fuckin saint either.”

“Well good. I can’t go to hell alone.”

“Go to bed. You get irrational when you’re sleep-deprived.” Joel messed up the younger man’s hair affectionately.

Sonny groaned in protest, but soon gave in as cuddled closer. Maybe he feared it would be his last one.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day has finally come but they seem to be waiting around for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

“Happy fucking birthday to Sonny. The coldest day of the season yet.” Sonny bitched to himself as he stood around in the bitter wind. He felt as if he was waiting for nothing. God, he just wanted Raine to show up already so she could die. No one was positive of how strong her little gang was but as long as they could get the upper hand early, they should be fine.

“What are you mumbling about?” Chase asked him.

Sonny looked up from the cigarette he was smoking, almost startled by his sudden presence. Sonny shook his head. “Nothing, I’m just in a bad mood.”

Chase gave him a thoughtful look. “It’s not a good day for anything, but our shift is almost over.” He checked his watch. “Actually, we have five minutes left out here.”

“Do you think we’re being stood up?” Sonny asked the man.

Chase shook his head, a bitter look crossing his features. “Raine is no coward. She’d rather die than be called that any day. She’ll be here when it’s most convenient for herself. Don’t worry, we just have to wait a little longer.”

Sonny could only nod as the wind whipped around them again. He clenched his fist, maybe getting burned by ashes wasn’t such a bad thing after all. It was a long five minutes but soon he was back inside the warehouse.

“Oh, happy birthday by the way.” Chase told him.

“Thank you.” Sonny said before they parted ways. He had one destination in mind as he made his way up the abnormally dark stairs and through the hallways. Sonny knocked on the door and waited for the reply. He entered the office.

“Still nothing?” Joel asked the younger man. Sonny nodded, placing his gun on the desk and sitting down. Joel inspected it. “How many more of these do you have?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out. I trust that you didn’t snoop in my room.” Sonny raised his eyebrows.

Joel made a strangled sound. “How can I when you have the place guarded all the time? Please tell me how you have one of our most vicious gangsters wrapped around your fingers?”

“Easy,” Sonny said as if it was no big deal, “we’re both looking out for your safety because you don’t care at all and believe me, I didn’t ask her to do this; she only wants what’s best for you.”

Joel shook his head. “She’s looking into a world of hurt.”

“But what is she to do? I signed up for you too. Let the hurt begin.” Sonny said, sarcastically.

Joel rolled his eyes. “More like let it end.

“I’ll tell you one thing before we go there,” Sonny reached into his pocket and pulled out a smaller gun. It was silver. He laid it on the desk. “I got it for my fourteenth birthday, so five years ago. I’ll be using it on anyone that tries to kill you.”

Joel looked at Sonny. He saw something in the younger man’s eyes that just wasn’t right. It was as if all the love he had in them was now consumed by his boiled hatred. Joel had no idea the younger man was capable of feeling hate. “Sonny, are you okay?”

“I will be when Raine pays the price.” Sonny glared off somewhere else.

Anton came through the door a minute later. “They’re here!”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a deadly game of cat and mouse as they try to find Raine and someone’s about to get hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

The standoff seemed to last forever. Neither side wanted to fire the first shot even though they were all fighting back feelings of revenge. Sonny couldn’t see Raine anywhere. Of course she would be concealed from everyone else. It just made his and Jessica’s job a little more difficult. Joel was close by him with his gun drawn by his side. He wore a blank expression that hid what he was thinking. The anticipation was killing Sonny. He just wanted this to be over and done with, but he was too mature to make the mistake of firing the first shot. He waited as his confidence drained to lower and more dangerous levels.

It was sudden, like Anton bursting through Joel’s office. One shot that started the storm of bullets. Sonny fired a few, but he was on a mission. To his displeasure, he found himself separated from the older man but he had to keep going. Sonny knew exactly why he was running back into the warehouse, and he knew who he was looking for.

Sonny ran into Jess on the second floor. “We have to hurry, she’s going to burn this place to the ground with many of us still trapped inside.”

“But where would she be?” Sonny asked Jessica.

Jessica stopped running to think. “If Joel did what I told him this morning then she’s not in her room. I’ll check the obvious, which is Joel’s office. She’s never liked either of us so both of those rooms were covered by non-fighters. Sonny, check Kat’s office. If I show any signs of weakness, come running.”

“Yes.” Sonny put his trust in the redhead as they climbed the stairs and parted ways down the two different halls.

Kat’s office was forbidden. It was only seen by her eyes and the ones of members who didn’t make the first week. Joel had been in there a few times but the place gave him the creeps. Sonny cautiously opened the door and saw that the curtains were pulled back to show the dim sky over the ink black walls covered in various blades. There was a bookshelf in the corner with different diaries on how to kill and conceal a body properly.

Sonny didn’t see their intruder lurking anywhere. Something came up behind him and hit him hard over the head. Sonny went down.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What just happened to Sonny?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T, violence [blah blah]

“What the fuck?” Sonny swore from the ground, drawing his other gun.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Skrillex. I thought you were one of them.” A soft and scared voice apologized. Sonny looked up to see the newer girl, Kasey, a blonde haired, blue-eyed, teenage girl offering him a hand.

He put away the second gun, taking her hand. “Thanks, Kasey. Do you know where they went?”

“Towards Deadmau5’s office.” She answered.

“Thank you. I have to go. Keep you gun close and don’t let Kat catch you in her office.” Sonny told her before running out into the hallway again. His head throbbed but it didn’t matter right now. He rushed to Joel’s door. He leaned against it, and listened carefully,

“I wonder, Jessica, how much it hurts that you’ll never be Joel’s bitch. I always kill them off for you but there’s just something undesirable about you. I guess.” She laughed bitterly. “It doesn’t matter, I’ll watch you burn when he dies. The clock is ticking, he’s been wounded pretty badly and loverboy won’t get to him saving your ass along the way.” Sonny heard Raine say with a more acidic tone to her voice now. “Jess, all I wanted was to take over L.A. with you and that boy. He’s such a talent, dammit. Sonny has so many dirty secrets as well; it’s too bad no one will ever know them but me.”

Sonny clenched his fists by his sides, feeling his anger once again.

“You’re a liar.” Jessica spat.

“Then why is his legitimate sister in my gang telling me his life story? He’s had blood on his hands for years.”

“SHUT UP!” Sonny busted through the door in a fit of uncontrolled rage and took a good shot at Raine. It hit her in the stomach and she stumbled back, dropping her gun in shock. She fell on the floor, and Sonny could see that she was already a bloody mess.

“Sonny, please don’t do this. We can have it all and your parents can finally pay the price for all the years of abuse they caused you.” Raine sobbed, holding her major wound.

Sonny seemed to think this through before he aimed the gun at her chest. “I’m not angry at them anymore. You on the other hand, have harmed the only man that has showed me love in this desolate world. For that, I must give you your reward.” He shot and killed her. “See you in hell, Raine.” Sonny looked over at Jessica. She was trapped against the wall behind the table. “Can you move?”

“Yeah, she just disarmed me.” Jess responded as she helped Sonny move the table.

“Good, we need to find Joel.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Raine fight against each other to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T [violence, blood]

Joel laid on the cold floor in a pool of his own blood. He reached for his gun again, but it was too far away, and the pain in his side became unbearable again. He could barely move and yet he had no will to die here, but it seemed like he had no choice.  
\---

“You know, I really didn’t want to do this, Joel.” Raine had the man pinned up against the wall. “You have simply left me with no other choice. We could’ve had this city in the palms of our hands, but you never made any advances. I bring you the best of the best and you tie them down, Joel. Anton, Sonny, Porter, and so many more of them could be much more than what you’re letting them be.”

“Yeah, and let them become murder machines. You think I’m stupid, but you weren’t there when I let Kat have free range and she almost wiped out this entire area.” Joel spat back at her. She looked deranged. Her short hair was a mess and her eyes had bags under them. Joel believed that Raine had truly lost it.

She lunged forward, painfully hitting the man’s body against the wall. She smiled as he clenched his teeth. “You don’t know who Sonny really is! He’s a lie just like Jessica! Why do you let such dangerous people with sketchy pasts around you but then you distrust someone like me?” She picked him off the wall.

“Because, they don’t go insane and try to kill me in the end.” Joel only responded. He tried to be discreet when he pulled out his spare gun, but she kicked it out of his hands.

“Nice try, but I know you. I know your moves and your games. You’re a man who fights for pride and you’re never sneaky. You never thought that it would kill you one day.” Raine laughed. She smashed Joel’s body against the wall three times and he fell to the ground on his back.

He wasn’t giving up yet. Joel kicked the woman’s legs out from under her and she fell to the ground. She swore and in a fit of rage, took out her gun and fired a few shots.

Joel tried to duck and cover with his head already throbbing from the previous attack, but a few bullets made their mark on him. One grazed his ribs and the pain made breathing agonizing. He glared up at her, not liking his situation at all.

Raine dusted herself off. “Good. I’ll watch you burn in here. Maybe I’ll even convert loverboy to my mission with you out of the way.” She laughed one more time before leaving.  
\---

Everything was fading in and out now. Had the warehouse started to burn? Joel couldn’t feel the heat or smell anything, but he couldn’t feel the cold air either. He only hoped Sonny and the others made it out alive.

Breathing was now a dull ache that Joel had accepted. He wondered if dying felt like this. His feet felt numb like after sitting in the same position too long at his desk. There was no urgency of the fight going on outside or the burning of the warehouse. He must be about to go soon. It seemed like Joel’s book was finally coming to a close. It was almost a comforting thought for someone who had suffered a little too much in their twenty-six years of life on this planet. Joel closed his eyes, inviting death to take him now.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Jessica try to find Joel in the warehouse. They don’t know of his condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

“What if he’s been hurt?” Sonny asked Jess.

She looked at him for a second before grabbing a small bag out of one of the drawers. “Then we’ll take this and his keys. We have connections with a guy who does under the table work for severe wounds. We need to hurry, I don’t think he’s in the best condition. I’m not about to call that bitch out on her bluff.”

Sonny nodded and they both ran out of Joel’s office, leaving Raine’s corpse behind. They went down the flight of stairs and through the hallways to Raine’s room. Sonny screamed Joel’s name when he saw the mess of blood on the floor.

Something pulled Joel out of his haze. It was a final punch to his stomach that made him open his eyes and look at the blurry shapes above him. He felt a heavy weight on his chest and he looked down. Joel’s eyes focused on a man with long black hair, and then he heard loud sobbing that came from this body. His mind told him that this man was crying, and his reaction was to smooth his hand over the man’s back. Joel shushed him. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.” He hissed in pain as the ache from his ribs reminded him of the gunshot wounds he had received that day. It was the only thing he could remember.

“God, Joel, I didn’t think you could bleed so much and still be alive.” The redhead said. He looked at her, confused. “She must have hit your head pretty hard.”

The man looked up from his spot on Joel’s chest and a name formed on Joel’s lips. “Sonny?”

The man nodded, wiping tears away from his eyes and got off of Joel. “Do you trust us?”

Joel looked confused now, but something in his gut told him to trust Sonny and the redhead. “Yes.”

The redhead smiled. “Good, we have to get you out of here as soon as possible. The garage is down one floor. Chase has the car covered.” She turned to Sonny. “We should be fine getting out now. They know she’s dead, but some are resisting. We have to hurry.” She knelt next to Joel and she and Sonny each took one side of him to help him up. He leaned against Sonny for support as the redhead slowly led them to the garage.

“So, who are you?” Joel asked them.

“I’m Jessica. I’ve been here for a few years. I got tired of being on my own and I sort of found Mau5trap. You and your sister let me in with open arms.” She smiled warmly at the memory that was no longer tainted by Raine.

“You willingly came here?” Joel asked her.

“It’s a long story.” Jessica rolled her eyes as they made it to the garage. “I hope you remember that you’re a car fanatic. Though you’ve had to switch out your favorite car over the past two months for something a little more bulletproof.”

Joel looked over at the younger man. “You know, I must really love you if I stopped driving my favorite car for you. I don’t think I’d care about saving myself.”

“You got that right. You know how many people I have covering your ass so you don’t get killed on a daily basis?” Sonny asked him.

“Sonny.” Jessica hissed.

He shrugged. “The witch is dead. He’s much safer against me anyway. Plus, he won’t remember a thing.”

They saw Chase walk out from behind the black car. He nodded to Jess. “Bring back the doctor if you can.”

She helped Joel in the car, and looked at Sonny. “Are you going with us?”

“I should. I’m not ready to face my sister yet. Just like I’m not ready to face him.” Sonny got in and closed the car door.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They race against time again as they try to save Joel’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T [medical procedures]

The gunfire had died down and the block was surrounded with familiar faces. Sonny was quick to spot Anton, his eyes had gone cold. Something had changed in him. He had blood all over his plaid shirt and torn jeans. He saw Kat giving worried looks left and right. He assumed that she was trying to keep her mind off of her dying brother. Sonny saw an unlikely person in the lines too. Porter was there and something had changed about the teenage boy as well.

In a matter of a few hours, the innocence of Porter’s childhood seemed to be wiped clean from his face. He had blood on his clothes too, and his stance said that he had been through hell.

Sonny had one final question as they left the safety of Mau5trap’s territory; where was Dillon?

Joel leaned against Sonny’s shoulder, sensing the younger man’s distress, and Jessica wove the car through traffic. She was trying to beat time. “Is he expecting us?” Sonny asked as they pulled into a parking lot. It was a shady place. It reminded Sonny of the warehouse and the area surrounding it when he saw it for the first time. Of course this place was where they would go. He wondered what type of guy this doctor was.

“Yes.” Jess parked the car. The curtains went back on the closest apartment and a door opened. A man in about his mid-forties walked out. He met them at the car.

“Hello, Jessica. What’s the issue today?” He asked.

“Let me show you.” She said, getting out of the car. She opened up the back and the man looked at the bloody mess that was Joel.

“Mau5! What happened to you?” He asked in shock.

Jessica shook her head. “It’s no use. He’s got some type of amnesia. He got shot a few times and banged up against a wall judging by the bruises forming on his back. He’s lost a lot of blood. We’re surprised he’s still alive.”

“Bring him in.” The man said urgently. Joel was too weak to walk now and they had to carry him into the apartment. The man did his work as Sonny held Joel’s hand. He was heavily drugged, and nothing he told Sonny made sense.

“Good thing I stocked up on blood transfusions and sedatives this week. My friend was in town, he’s great in the black market for that stuff; great quality too.” The doctor told Jessica.

“Are you busy tonight?” She asked him.

“I had nothing other than fixing him up again. Why?”

“We had to fight off an enemy gang and we have a lot of injuries. Would you mind coming back and helping out? It helps to have someone more professional there.” Jessica asked.

He nodded. “Not a problem. I’ve done all I can for him here. I’ll take the stretcher and he’ll get the IV’s back at the warehouse.”

“Sounds great.” Jessica smiled slightly, but she was still worried. The ride back felt like an eternity. They had settled on putting Joel in Sonny’s room. He was still asleep. Sonny decided to go on his own journey.

He didn’t have to walk far to find her. She was facing the window and she seemed lost in the big room. The brown curls she had fell past her shoulders as she stared blankly at the city. Her brown eyes were empty and her skin was pale. Sonny put his hand on her shoulder.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny comes face to face with someone from his past, and he finally gets to see Anton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

“I thought mom killed you when I went back there a few months ago.” She turned to face him, eyes now sad. “I hated myself for leaving but at the same time I blamed myself for killing that kid. I never wanted you to be like this. When I found out her plans to take this place down with all of you in it, I knew I had to save you, but I learned that you can save yourself. I’m sorry for everything.”

Sonny shook his head “You owe me nothing, Emilia. How many times did you try to end the abuse?” He didn’t give her time to answer. “I’m not angry anymore. I have my own life now and I don’t need them, that’s why I left in September.”

She nodded. “Happy Birthday, little brother.” He smiled at her and gave her a hug. “I’m happy for you then. I don’t need to understand.”

Sonny remembered Anton. “Hey, I’ll catch up with you later, but I really need to find a friend.”

“I understand.” Emilia nodded.

Sonny hurried off to Anton’s room. He cautiously knocked on the door, remembering the boy’s expression earlier. Sonny was about to leave when the door opened slowly to reveal the boy in a plain t-shirt and jeans. His hair was a mess and his eyes were red. Sonny pulled Anton into a hug, not exactly knowing what he had seen out there but he could bet it was worse than what they had been through inside. Anton held tightly at Sonny’s sides, trying to keep himself together.

It was a hug they both needed after today. They knew nothing of what the other had went through and maybe it was good for now. Sonny sat next to the German and they talked about everything. Everything other than what had went on today until Anton asked Sonny about Joel.

“Where is Joel?” His curiosity had gotten the best of him and now he was hurting his friend. 

Sonny hid his pain well, “he’s in my room, sleeping. He needs time to recover from what happened to him. I thought he was dead when Jess and I found him.” Sonny could feel his tears and he struggled to bite them back again. He clenched his fists, a silent warning to himself.

Anton shook his head. “I’m sorry. I forgot that I’m not the only one who has almost lost someone today.”

Sonny looked up at the boy who was visibly upset with himself. He was fighting a conflict again. “Do you mind if I ask?”

Anton swallowed hard. “I chickened out and Dillon paid the price. He went down and something snapped in me. All I could remember was a time when I was a helpless child and had to watch my family die in front of me. I lost it, and I killed any one of them that I spotted. I should’ve got him out of there, but I didn’t. I’m a fool who still can’t get a grip on his angst, and now he’s dying because of it.”

“That makes two of us then.” Sonny put his hand on Anton’s shoulder. “You’re alright now. Why don’t you go and be with him now? I’m sure he’s asking for you.”

Anton looked thoughtful. “I guess you’re right. Thank you, Sonny, for everything.”

“Don’t thank me.” He waved his hand, and they parted ways. Sonny made his way back to his own room, and crawled into bed next to Joel, securing his body with his arm. He rested his head against Joel’s chest, thankful for the present heartbeat.

He felt soft lips touch his forehead, and he opened his eyes to see that the moon was out. Sonny looked over at Joel, who seemed paler than usual in the moonlight.

Joel gave him one of his infamous grimaces. Sonny had to giggle despite the situation. “Good, now that the ice is broken, would you mind telling me who the fuck you really are?”


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny tells Joel the “truth” but really it’s more complicated than it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

Sonny sighed. “I guess the amnesia wore off.” Joel jabbed him in the ribs for that one and Sonny nearly rolled off the bed. “Okay, I’m still the secluded, abused child I told you about. There are just a few things I left out, but you seem to have caught onto them.”

Joel raised his eyebrows. “Go on.”

“My father liked guns a lot, that’s where the silver one came from. I’ve killed very few people in my nineteen years on this planet but it’s been with that gun.” Sonny looked away.

“You told me about that.” Joel said.

“I know, I’m just refreshing your memory before I give you the new stuff. There’s a woman here named Emilia. She means a lot to me, and for a while, I thought she was gone forever. When I got that damn gun five years ago I didn’t think I’d ever use it until I found myself in a bad spot.” Sonny looked up at Joel again. “I was sixteen and fed up with this kid constantly tormenting me. I got enough of it at home. He made the mistake of following me down a dark street one night and I unfortunately had that gun on me. Emilia didn’t show up quick enough to get me out of there. Something overtook me and I killed that kid. She showed up and took the blame for it. I don’t know why, but we did a great job at getting rid of his body. After that, my sister skipped town and I went to target practice more often. I became obsessed with that gun. It was the only thing that kept me from killing more people ironically.”

“Is that it?” Joel asked him.

“Yeah, I thought you’d hate me or want to leave or something so I kept it a secret.” Sonny shrugged.

Joel sighed. “I thought you were a mass murderer or an undercover cop.”

Sonny shook his head, slightly smiling. “I have a temper sometimes, but I try and aim it towards my work so I don’t hurt anyone that doesn’t deserve it. I don’t want to hurt the ones I love anymore.”

“Well, I’m glad. You were great today. I don’t think I would have made it without you and Jessica.” Joel told him.

Sonny smiled. “It was nothing, really. I’m just glad that you’re okay. Maybe now we can have a sense of normality around here, but you need to rest now.” He kissed Joel’s cheek.

Joel smiled. “And be more prepared for this shit. Happy Birthday, you little shit.” Sonny kissed him again.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny takes over as Joel takes the time necessary for healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

After filling out piles of paperwork and walking to Kat’s office a few times, Sonny learns just how hard Joel’s job really is. He didn’t like Kat’s either. It never failed to give him the creeps every time he had the displeasure of walking in there. Maybe he was afraid of being impaled by one of her many wall ornaments.

He’d take the hand cramps over that any day. Maybe the least disturbing part of that office was the young child, who was lying on the floor with a new coloring book. Sonny didn’t think that kids still did that but there she was in jeans and a light shirt entertained by her work.

Sylvia was her name. Sylv for short. She was a funny little girl and couldn’t seem to keep herself out of trouble when she wasn’t under Kat’s watchful eye. She smiled at Sonny before he left the room. She knew better now that he had work to do even if he didn’t want to do it.

It was now February and things had almost shifted back to normal. Sonny didn’t see much of his friends until they came in at the end of their shifts or when they took time out of their busy schedules to see him as well. It was hard for Sonny to see them when he was practically rushing back to Joel’s apartment to make sure he hadn’t dropped dead, but sometimes, he spent nights at the warehouse.

When Jess had sat down for lunch with him the one day, he looked at her real seriously and said, “yes.”

Jessica was confused. “Yes, what?”

“To you your question from November. There is something I can’t do.” Sonny looked up.

Jessica stared at him. “And what is that?”

“Be Joel.” Sonny said simply. She nodded, understanding him.

Jessica had went through her changes over the past weeks as well. Her signature red locks were now gone and in their place was a pixie cut. She said it was some Japanese thing but she didn’t go into depth about it and Sonny didn’t have the time for research.

When Chase made his late entrance into the office, Sonny smiled again. Jessica and Chase were always great friends but she had other motives blocked out her true feelings for him. So when Chase was ranting to Sonny one night about her, he encouraged the man to finally ask her out. It had gone well and Sonny was proud of both of them.

Jess was much happier now. She threw a fry at Chase. “You’re getting to be like one of the noobs with how late you always are.”

“Hey, my blood is one of those noobs.” Sonny smiled.

“Yeah, and she shoots better than you.” Chase laughed.

“Oh, I’m so hurt.” Clutched his chest in mock agony. “I guess I’ll work on it in this week’s training session.

“I guess you’ll have to.” Chase leaned forward.

“I miss all the good stuff.” Jess pouted.

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Sonny rolled his eyes.

Sonny made his drive back to the apartment thinking about the new kids. Most of them were victims of Raines’s blind road to revenge and they were easy to relocate or even send home. Bus tickets were bought and others just went on their own way. About fifteen of them, including Emilia stayed. These kids were just like the current members of Mau5trap. They had nowhere else to go and no one to rely on. They caught on fast to their work and didn’t cause any headaches.

Sonny wasn’t exactly scary to them but he was respected like the others respected Joel. The new kids just caused a lot of paperwork, but Sonny hoped Joel would be better soon.

He parked in the garage and followed routine until he got to the penthouse. Sonny walked into a quiet room with just a light on over the stove. Joel had done something rare and cooked food, but he probably got tired again or something worse. Sonny had never went through those notebooks by the piano but the tape was enough to know that something wasn’t quite right.

This thought made him eat quicker so he could be with the older man. Maybe it was time for him to go back. Sonny was quiet as he changed to climb into bed with his lover, even though he knew Joel wasn’t sleeping. He looked out the window before speaking.

“Joel, I think it’s time that you come back now. Even if you don’t work, I’ll still enjoy you there.” No response, not even a sigh. “They all miss you. I’m sitting at your desk trying to be Deadmau5 and it’s just not working. I can’t do your job. I’m not you.”

Joel rolled over to look at him. “Please, you’re the best at everything. They don’t miss me.”

Sonny sighed, frustrated. “Joel, I know what this is about. Raine is dead and I made sure of it. I’ll go in there and you can hold my hand so hard that you break it. Just please try for me.”

Joel looked scared. “You promise?”

“I promise.” Sonny was sincere. Joel’s lips crashed with his, a silent thank you and so much more. Sonny smiled, not thinking of the long day ahead of him. It was worth it.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T

Sleeping in was one of the things that Sonny did best, and Joel had discovered this over the years. It had been eight years since Sonny was first brought to Mau5trap, and Joel could honestly say that he didn’t regret a thing.

They had moved forward from almost complete ruin time and time again. Whether it was physical or mental ruin, they found a way to fix each other from going down. For Sonny, it was overcoming the crippling beast known medically as anxiety. For Joel, it was dispersing the dark clouds that threatened to fog his vision, known clinically as depression. They both realized that without the other neither of them would have made it past 2006.

Joel looked at the afternoon sun through the window in the bedroom. Not much had changed about the apartment except for Sonny’s possessions and two small cats. Something Joel had gotten out of loneliness one day when he was too sick to work and then the cat needed a friend too.

It earned him a week on the couch but eventually Sonny got over it. He wouldn’t admit to it, but Joel had caught the silent affection he had for the pets. Sonny always told Joel he was a dog person but Joel was no fool.

Joel couldn’t help but smile at the younger man as he slept next to him. It was still unreal to think that he could really be just for Joel. They were two opposites but they collided in perfect harmony.

Their wedding was a small ceremony that took place about a year and a half ago. Sonny laughed at Joel when he proposed, and said, “It’s about time. I was getting worried.” He was relieved to say the least.

He could watch Sonny sleep all day, but he had other plans. It wasn’t like Joel to let the younger man get away with putting together a party and then doing something absolutely amazing for Joel’s birthday. There was payback to be distributed.

“Hey, Sonny.” He shook the man. “A war on L.A. could have broken out and you would’ve slept right through it.”

“Shut up.” Sonny mumbled, and turned over.

“Get up.” Joel ripped the blankets off of him and stalked off. It was the routine by now. They either did this in the morning or at night. It depended on what shifts Sonny too. Tonight was his night shift.

They were done in ten minutes, and out the door. Joel smirked at the ripped jeans Sonny had on. They were in one piece when got them last week but then he got them caught on a fence. The story got better each time. Joel vaguely remembered when his job was like Sonny’s.

Joel all but dragged his husband into the dining hall where everyone gathered as usual to celebrate Sonny’s birthday. Joel looked around at the people he called his extended family. So many of them had grown and others came and went. He saw Jessica and Chase nearby, talking about something or maybe they were gushing over their toddler.

He saw his sister and just when he was going to ask where his niece was, he heard, “Uncle Joel!” and he turned around just in time to meet her embrace. She had a big smile on her face.

“Hey, Sylvia!” He smiled back at her. That was another change. Everyone was finding love and having children. It was hard for him to look at Kat sometimes and say it’s just you and me. Sylvia was growing up too fast. Joel sighed. He never had issues with children but he had never considered them. Besides, he and his husband couldn’t handle two cats.”

He shook his head. Let Sonny be the one to ask. After a while, people started leaving for the night shift. Sonny kissed Joel, planning on going out himself. He was surprised when the older man caught his hand. “What?”

“Hey, I want to see why you’re so attached to being other and won’t take any promotions. You screamed paperwork at me once.” Joel raised his eyebrows.

Sonny smiled “Did you forget?”

Joel nodded. “I’ve been in my office and the shop for too long.”

“Well, let’s go.” Sonny led him out of the building. The walked around the extended territory that Mau5trap took from rivals, and did what Sonny called the usual.

It was like that for a few hours, somewhere deep down, Joel missed it. Only because of Sonny. They stole kisses and Joel whispered Happy Birthday and other things to him numerous times and Sonny giggled like when they first started dating. It was three-thirty and Joel started towards the warehouse.

“Wait.” Sonny stopped him. “I have something to show you.” They went around another block into an abandoned building. The stairs were bad but Joel followed him anyway. When they got to the right floor, Joel was amazed by the sight.

The whole left wall of the floor was gone and Joel could see the sky. It was so beautiful how it reflected on the sleeping buildings below. The glow from the moon made Sonny look even more beautiful now as Joel looked back at him. “It’s wonderful but not as wonderful as you.”

“Aw, Joel.” Sonny smiled, and Joel wrapped his arms around him. Joel kissed his husband passionately. Sonny was truly the best thing that had ever happened to him and even Mau5tap.


End file.
